Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: July 2006

Monday, July 31, 2006

Hezbollah Hate

What is the reason?

Why does Hezbollah hate forests so much? The answer became clear today at Nasrallah's press conference. I travelled to the Iranian embassy in Beirut today to hear it. We were running late, since flights into the area are somewhat limited. As I walked through the entrance, the first thing I heard was, "...and that is how we know that trees are nothing more than a creation of the Zionist filthy dogs and their American eaters-of-pig counterparts. They mock Islam with their almost constant greenness. As it says in the koran, this color is hated by Allah, and must be wiped off of the planet. The evil Zionists who wallow in the mud with pigs know this. That's why they created trees to mock us. Death to Zion, death to trees! Oh, and death to America."


I'm going to be afk for about a week and don't think I can post anything until I get back. I hope everyone has an enjoyable week!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Why I Hate Peace Agreements

In ancient times, wars ended when one side decided they had had enough of getting beat up and surrendered. Sometime between 1945 and when I was born, that all changed. Now war is much more civilized. Wars are ended with a temporary cease-fire, followed by peace negotiations, followed by a peace treaty.

This seems like a caring way to end wars, and if we all lived in fantasyland, it certainly would be. This is the "progressive" or "reality-based" way of ending wars. It's a great idea, it just doesn't work. History shows us that cease-fires don't end wars; they merely postpone them, or leave the area in continuous detente. Peace agreement does not equal peace.

The idea is reality-based in the same way the “The Amityville Horror” is a book based on reality, but is certainly a far cry from the actual reality. The reality-based community certainly has a base here in reality, though I wish they'd come to live here permanently. They are causing an endless cycle of violence that has continued and grown steadily, because the massive and painful war that is required to end violence once and for all is no longer allowed. So the little wars continue to grow in number and size. And in number of deaths.

Look at the places where cease-fire agreements have taken place:
Africa in general

I’m sure there are plenty more. In all cases, cease-fires mean continued hostilities, militarized borders, and steadily growing death tolls. Except of course in Vietnam, where the peace agreement resulted in continued hostilities, followed by the destruction of South Vietnam and 750,000 people.

Peace agreements are not a solution, they are a problem! They only result in stopping the western signatories from attacking. They do nothing to hinder the barbarian side, who will inevitably restart the war at a time of their choosing.

The islamofascists are exactly like the bushido following Japanese of the 1940's. They are completely unwilling to change, and completely willing to fight to the death, and cannot be appeased. To the very last man, they must be killed. Unfortunately, that will never happen while views like that of Jimmy Carter are considered valid. Trust me, there are quite a few people who do consider them valid.

This new Israeli cease-fire is all but guaranteed to assure that the battle will be postponed until Hezbollah can re-arm and attack Israel again. When they do attack Israel again, they will use what they learned about how to fight Israel (i.e. lots more hiding behind civilians and setting booby-traps, better ambushing tactics, etc.), so the death toll will be higher. The cease-fire will amount to giving Hezbollah a real-life training session.

So, kudos to the reality-based community. There may be a cease-fire because of your diligence to pointing out that children die in wars. The inevitable result will be a bigger war with a higher death toll on both sides. But don’t let that concern you – the war’s over for now. If you don’t bother to look at historical evidence, the future’s a mystery to you, right? Disproportionate war is wrong, but you may get your unintended result. You may even give the islamofascists enough time to build an army (packing nukes) strong enough to get what they want - A caliphate running from India to southern Spain. And in fairness, the war will then be proportionate! I have no doubt that in the fantasy land that you live in, the islamofascists will stop there, and not try to increase the size of the Caliphate. I should also mention that under this Caliphate, women are treated only slightly better than dogs, but don’t worry, you’re doing the right thing progressives. You’re very moral. (What is the ‘sarcasm off’ HTML tag?)

I wonder how big the war is going to be when even the liberals realize that ‘peace-agreements’ don’t solve anything and unconditional surrender is the only way to end a war forever. I’m starting to wonder if we’ll be the victor by then.

UPDATE: No cease-fire! My whining was premature, I'm happy to say. All apologies.

Saturday, July 29, 2006


This is unbelievable. American soldiers were caught today stripping the clothes off of young children and subsequently harassing them. The sole reason for doing this was to make the children cry. Despicable! I'm starting a campaign to put these child molesters in jail for this horrendous crime. "Child molester' may be too harsh of a word, since the children were not sexually abused, but stripping naked someone else's kid and taunting them certainly should be considered a form of child molestation in my opinion.

Update: It turns out that it wasn't soldiers doing this to children. It was this woman. (story here.)

Since she was only doing it because she wanted to blame Bush for making the babies cry, no charges will likely be filed.


Got home at midnight, and was just messing around with photoshop for the last couple of hours. I decided I wanted to make a zombified Nancy Pelosi. 40 minutes later, I had three failed attempts that looked like Ms. Pelosi decided to put on Bozo The Clown makeup. That didn't fit with my goofy story, so I gave up and tried to put snake eyes on Sen. McCain for a story involving special dark sunglasses (movie reference! But which one?). 20 minutes later, I had 6 different versions Senator McCain looking like he had paper cut-outs of snakes eyes over his real ones. It's really aggravating to fail. Someone should make it illegal.

On a lighter note, here is the great Bucky Katt, showing off his inner beauty!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Thomas Sowell

"Someone has claimed that men think about sex every 8 seconds. The way some women dress suggests that they want to make it more frequent than that. "

"Another fallacious argument is that today's immigration is nothing new because this country has absorbed millions of immigrants in the past. In the past, people came here to become Americans, not remain foreigners."

"The next time some academics tell you how important "diversity" is, ask how many Republicans there are in their sociology department."

The man is brilliant.

Yet Another Group Claims Holy Land

Hittites and Sumerians have emerged from obscurity. Hundreds have been in suspended animation chambers for three thousand years and, for reasons currently unknown, picked this week to return to the land of the living. In a press release on Wednesday, they demanded that their ancestral home be returned to them, and the current 'occupiers' be removed. "For thousands of years, Jews and muslims have occupied our lands." The lands claimed include the Arabian Peninsula, Iran, some of Turkey and most of Egypt.

Most people today have no idea that both Hittia and Sumeria were nuclear powers, and a nuclear exchange caused their demise. At the press conference in 'Babylon' (their name for Baghdad) they said, "We did not use our entire arsenal of nuclear weapons, and are prepared to dust them off if need be. Get out of our lands now. We give you one week to pack."

I forgot to bring my camera with me, so here is a rough drawing of what the scene looked like:
The reaction from the world was very wide-ranging. The head of Hezbollah said, "This is obviously a scam perpetrated by the deceitful Jews to steal Arab land. We shall attack Israel with renewed vigor for this." Al Gore said, "Why have they returned at this point in time? Clearly, global warming caused it by melting the suspended animation chambers. Let's hope that the Hittites are carbon neutral."

Liberal bloggers are strangely silent on this story. A commenter at The DailyKOS told me, "We know Bush is to blame for all of this, we're just waiting for someone to figure out exactly how he is responsible. Then we'll begin the condemning with gusto." Deborah Frish (link is nsfw, or anywhere really)is so far the only commenter from the left. She wrote on her blog, "I'd like to #^%^&% @$&$% #^%&#@#$ your $@##^&*%^*$ @#$& only to %$@#@#& #%&$% your kid."

Unfortunately, while most of these people are good at laying blame, none have offered any solutions to this latest crisis in the middle-east. I asked the Hittite and Sumerian representatives how they expected to get away with taking other people's lands. "Oh this is just the beginning! The Sumerians and the Hittites both stem from an ancient race, known as the 'meeks'. Look us up, we're in the Bible. We're going to inherit the whole ball of wax! Not even a good Samaritan can help you now."

UPDATE: Exceptionally good news! The Hittites have decided to 'give peace a chance' and have instead conquered and inhabited Antarctica. Kofi Annan said the conflict would be much easier to resolve now that only Sumerians, Lebanese Christians, Hebrews and muslims are arguing over the same slice of desert. Said Annan, "This will be a peace of cake, just look at my track record so far if you doubt it."

Thursday, July 27, 2006


Longtime readers know I'm not a huge fan of tattoos. So I'm not happy right now. To my dismay, the conservative's resident hippie has added yet another blemish. I didn't mind the chest tattoos or the dragon, and I always thought the yin/yang thing was an interesting concept, so I'm ok with that as well. But the penitentiary style teardrops is just too much. What the heck is she trying to prove?

(Sorry about this post. I think I'm infatuated with Michelle Malkin, and I love tattooing people photographically. Send me a photo and I'll tattoo you up right :))

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Hearing Aid Humor

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it’s Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


I don't usually like to brag, but I've won 3 international lotteries in the last 24 hours, and 5 gentlemen from Africa want me to hold onto their spare cash. I'm about to be rich! I've got to go fill out some forms now though, since I've been informed 12 times that my paypal account needs updating. Didn't even know I had one.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Quoting Nostradamus

"And in the valleys a flame unforseen before these days
Flames eating and eaten by the beast remained unextinguished
In the land of the Moor, he will burn bright
for fourteen years, until the people of that land have shaved their hands and beards."

I don't like to weigh this weenie blog down with serious discussion, but I have to ask, "Wow, what did he mean by this?" Man, that guy was deep! Or was he? Short answer: no, he wasn't. He just made stuff up. Like I did. Just now! Yup, that's not a Nostradamus quote, it's a blogagog quote. But feel free to use it. Additional quatrains can be purchased from me for $7 each. If you want a desired result (i.e. last sentence) from the quatraine, it will cost you $9. Firm.

I also do Shakespeare. Just a minute ago my dog was buggin' me so I put her outside, saying "out out damned spot!" Culture from Louisiana, for only $7! What a bargain! Keats? No I don't do English people. I don't have the accent down (Shakespeare was a 'pre-American', not an englishman).

Windows' Recycle Bin is Worthless

We took a puddle-jumper down to the Cayman Islands this morning to enjoy a relaxing day at the beach. Here's a photo of the restaurant we ate at.

All in all, it was a very fun day, until we got home and I wanted to look at the photographs. While uploading them to my computer, I accidentally hit the 'delete' key, sending them to the recycle bin. The recycle bin was very full of files, since I hadn't bothered to empty it in a while. Anyway, the photos got pretty beat up in there. I don't even think they are worth keeping anymore.

Death of a Terroristman

One of these Hezbollanesian terrorists died today. Can you guess which one? I bet you can.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: Even if you own a red Star Trek shirt, DON'T WEAR IT! It's a death sentence.

Monday, July 24, 2006


Sappy? No doubt. But guys, it's our duty to say stuff like this every once in a while. Just make sure only your wife is listening when you do it. DO NOT give credit to the author, as he has passed away and won't benefit from it. Act like you are making it up.

Gardening FYI

Did you know that if you plant 8 watermelon seeds in your garden, they will produce about 20 watermelons, all becoming ripe on the same day? Make sure you have lots of friends before you plant watermelons (the mail lady became our friend today, for the sole purpose of unloading a watermelon:)).

Muscadines are like grapes in growth habits, but taste a little different. Eating a handful is good, but any more than that and they get kind of nasty. We don't eat much jelly here, so I'm thinking about learning how to make wine with these babies.

Have you ever wondered what cherry tomatoes look like when the area is covered in weeds? Wonder no more!

This is what figs look like before they've been Newton'd:

Having the day off, we rounded up the garden's bounty today. It was a great haul! Too bad I don't like any of the vegetables we picked :( If only cows were as easy to grow!

This one might be photoshopped.

(American) Women's Night Out!

This is my second post about some of the wonderful women of America. Ann Coulter sometimes says bad things. I condemn her for doing it (where applicable). That said, she gives credit to Bush that I had not considered.
The fact that Israel is able to launch an attack on Hezbollah today without instantly inciting a multination conflagration in the Middle East is proof of what Bush has accomplished. He has begun to create a moderate block of Arab leaders who are apparently not interested in becoming the next Saddam Hussein.
I'm not entirely convinced that the leaders don't want to be the next Saddam Hussein. My hopeful belief is that they are finally considering the lives of their people, and don't want to risk destroying those lives. Either way, kudos to them!

Just to prove that looks can be deceiving, here is an old picture of her in a CNBC debate:

See? Even hippies come around eventually! Man, I hate hippies.

(Yes, I photoshopped her just a wee bit. Her enjoyment of the Grateful Dead, a passion shared by your's truly, demanded it. But take away all the metal and tattoos, and that is one beautiful woman. Ugly women with a brain are beautiful to me. Beautiful women with a brain... well, they mostly just make me stutter. I have no doubt that a meeting between Ann Coulter and myself would go badly.)

Update: Le submitted a photo from even earlier in Ms. Coulter's career, back in the days when women didn't shave their legs. You've come a long way, baby!

Ms. Rice to Tel-Aviv

I just read on Drudge that Condi arrived in Israel today. She is one of the most intelligent people in the world, but for some reason, it doesn't show in today's photo. I don't know what's different, but she just doesn't come across as looking ultra-intelligent as we all know she is. By the way, what a babe! Does anyone know if she's single?

Man, I wish I could figure out what's different about her. I just can't put my finger on it.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Theft from Steel's Deal

Someone stole a drawing from The Steel Deal. It was a diagram of the hierarchy of Hezbollah and it's leadership. It looked something like this:

The 'monkey on a leash' implication is purley circumstantial, though accurate. Be on the lookout for the thief of this poignant drawing.

Lost in Translation

I wrote a goofy joke that I was going to translate into arabic, calling the post 'Muslim Humor'.

Militant #1:Knock knock!
Militant #2:Who's there?
Militant #1:Allah
Militant #2: Allah who?
Militant #1:Allaht of people are dying in my name these days!

It's not funny, but it was to be translated into arabic and probably unread, so I didn't work too hard. Here's what it looks like:

مناضل رقم 1 : الدقه الدقه!
مناضل رقم 2 : من هو؟
مناضل # # 1 : الله
مناضل رقم 2 : من الله؟
مناضل رقم 1 : الات الناس يموتون اسمي في هذه الايام.

I translated it back into English to see if it was translating well:

Struggler No. 1 : precise accuracy!
Struggler No. 2 : Who is he?
Struggler No. 1 : God's
struggling No. 2 : God?
Struggler No. 1 : My name is charming people die these days.

Does this mean that 'militant' and 'struggler' are synonymous in arabic? I think we may be looking at one of those 'root causes' that some people are so concerned about. Militant means pretty much the same as terrorist in my book. I wonder if 'terrorist' means 'lover of life and freedom' or something similar in arabic.

If it came across as 'murdering struggler' I wouldn't have as much of a problem with the translation...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Christian Humor

During times of trouble, I always find comfort in a poem I heard when I was a child called "Footprints in the Stone Sand". I don't remember exactly how it went, but the basic premise is a man has a dream where he's walking with the Lord and scenes of his life were being shown to him. In some of the scenes, there are two sets of footprints wherever he had gone. He asks about that and the Lord says, "Those are my footprints, I was walking beside you."

Then he sees a few of his most difficult moments in life, and notices that there is only one set of footprints during these times, and wonders why. The Lord says, "During those times, I was helping one of the other 6.5 BILLION people on the planet. Man, you are seriously self-centered!"

UPDATE: I've been informed that the poem actually ends quite differently. I blame senility (I'm 98 years old, see profile. You can't lie on those things).

Who is Glenn Greenwald?

I don't really know who Glenn Greenwald is, but I've been seeing his statements being fisked many times this week. Now it appears that he writes comments using fake names to praise his articles. That's pretty sleazy, don't you think?

UPDATE: There are some very good points being made in the comments section.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

President Outed

I've been witholding this picture of Iranian president Ahmadinejad in the hopes that I could use it to blackmail him into giving up his atomic bomb ambitions. It didn't work, so on to plan B.

"Hey Hezbollah, your master is secretly a Jew, and I've got the photos to prove it. Take him out!"

Townhall Funnies

I never noticed that has comic strips. They had some pretty funny ones today. They even found the 'root cause' of the violence!

Bad sign

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I oppose gay marriage

I oppose gay marriage for exactly the same reason that I oppose regular marriage. Did you know that 100% of all divorces begin with marriage? There has to be a connection.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Monday Night Cat-blogging

I've never done cat blogging before, but it seems that everyone else does, so maybe there's something to it. I just don't have a lot photos of our kitty, Whiskers McFluffypaws. In fact I can find only one.

My wife was considering whether we should put a pool in the back yard as she was walking the cat. She ran into one of our neighbors who has a pool in his, and said, "Can I ask your advice?"

He looked her up and down for a second and said, "My advice would be to get a boob job." I snapped the photo about 5 seconds after she let Whiskers loose on him.

Sunday, July 16, 2006


In what can only be described as 'adding fuel to the fire', America is selling Israel $210 million worth of jet fuel. Just in case anyone was wondering if we were siding with Israel or Hamas/Hezbollah.

Let's all hope that as few Palestinians/Israelis/Lebanese get hurt as possible, and that as many Hamas/Hezbollah supporters get hurt as possible.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Proportionate Force

I was stung by a yellow jacket today. Those little buggers hurt! I was going to squish it, but then I remembered what my long-time friend Jaques Chirac said about how it's wrong to used disproportionate force on an enemy.

So I went inside and got a needle. I then found and cornered the yellow jacket and poked it in the side with the needle. That should teach it a lesson it won't soon forget! Jaques would be very proud of me, since my response could not have been more proportionate.

Sadly, the yellow jacket did not learn the lesson. After stinging me 15 more times I decided my friendship with Mr. Chirac wasn't worth this and squashed the bug. It's my own fault really, for taking advice from France on how to win a conflict.

UPDATE: The neo-neocon has issues with 'proportionate force' as well.

Friday, July 14, 2006

New UAV not Kind or Gentle Enough

There is an interesting post at Murdoc Online about the new unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) dubbed the Predator II. Unlike the current Predator, which can only fire a single Hellfire missile, the new one has 8 Hellfires, 2 guided bombs, and two air-to-air missiles.

But it's one of the most insensitive weapons in our arsenal. How would you like it if you were a terrorist and this ultra scary plane coming right at you was the last thing you saw before it killed you? I'll answer for you. You wouldn't like it all.

My proposed modifications would make the Predator II more powerful, but also friendlier to our enemies. It's a win-win proposal.

See? It's not even remotely scary looking now! I bet most terrorists would die with a smile on their face if they were attacked by this plane.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Stolen, but Accurate

This from The Steel Deal:

Steel finds both the hilarious and strange sites on the net. This is one of his rare political links. Accurate, no? What's (embarrassingly) humorous is that it took me 30 seconds to realize how to order the words in the picture!


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

No Humor - Israel at a crossroads

Did anything funny happen today? I missed it :(. I just saw that 77% of Palestinians approve of the kidnapping of Gilad Shalite that occurred two weeks ago. That means that 77% of Palestinans support terrorism. That means that 77% of Palestinians are not innocent civilians. Palestine just restarted a war with Israel. Hezbollah also joined in on the attack. It's going to be deadly for both sides, and civilians will die. I firmly believe that the only way to permanently end the agression, suffering, and death that is endemic of that region is by a very large and uncivil war to occur.

These people have been fighting each other for 50+ years now in a low-level skirmish-type war. If it continues to be waged in such a small way, it will go on for another 50 years, or perhaps forever, much like Kashmir troubles India and Pakistan. How many people have died in this Palestinian/Israeli conflict in the last 50 years? Wouldn't more lives be saved in the long run by hitting Gaza with everything Israel has, almost destroying it, and at the same time catching and locking up the fomenters of hate (pretty much every cleric in Palestine)? Hatred of the type that Hamas has cannot be unlearned. They have to either win or die. I for one don't want to learn what kind of hell-on-earth Hamas would create if they won.

I heard Tammy Bruce on the radio while I was trying to learn how to record her show for a friend. She said (paraphrased) "When you have cancer, there comes a time in the battle when you have to use every means at your disposal to destroy it, even if it is also going to hurt the rest of your body. The only other option is to be consumed by the cancer. Israel may be in this position right now." I agree. This open puss-filled wound is beyond the help of band-aids and must be excised (translation: a lot of people have to die to bring peace, and some of them will be completely innocent).

But when the civilian death toll get's reported, remember to divide that number by 5 to get the actual number of innocents killed. 4 out of 5 Palestinians are not innocent, as the FOX poll shows. 77%. Religion of Peace my ***. Religion of dismembered body parts, maybe.

(Yes, I know how to spell pieces, I just thought this might work better. I guess it doesn't, but I'm too lazy to remake it :) Photoshop tutorial here.)

Hate Spreads

You guys have heard about Ms. Frisch's threatening/pedophilic attacks on thie child of Jeff Goldstein (Protein Wisdom)? Well, she is spreading her hate.

After my last post, I got an email from "Mr. Ruffy" complaining that only stupid dogs wear glasses, especially green ones (since dogs are color blind). I replied to the email saying that the glasses were a gift from the dog's 2 year old son, so he was wearing them proudly. Mr. Ruffy fired off another email, and this is where it gets weird. Check out these snippets of what he said!

"Ooh. Two year old male. Sounds hot. Hope no one Jon-Benets your pup.

Are you still married to the [female dog] you humped to produce the puppy?"
"I reiterate: If some nutcase kidnapped your puppy tomorrow and did to him what was done to Jon-Benet Ramsey, I wouldn’t give a damn."
"Give your pathetic progeny (I sure hope that mofo got good genes from his mama!) a big fat tongue-filled kiss from me! LOTS AND LOTS OF SALIVA from Auntie MOONBAT, if you don’t mind!"
"Somehow, big black dog, I think you get off on the possibility of Frenching your pathetic progeny, even if it is a boy. You seem like a VERY, VERY sick mofo to me, bro."
Well, this pedophilic, hate-filled rhetoric sounded pretty familiar to me (since I read Protein Wisdom), so I did a little internet sleuthing and determined who Mr. Ruffy is, picture and all.

Behold the face of rabid hatred that is Mr. Ruffy:

It's sad to watch such hatred get passed along to family members, but as I always say, 'Like mother, like dog who lives with that mother'.

Friday, July 07, 2006


UPDATE: Back! I hope everyone had a good weekend. I sure did. Check out my new hippie shades!

On the way home, we stopped by a store called 'The Beerslayer'. Being a Chemical Engineer (this is the one time I'm not making up my degree :) I have always been fascinated by the magic of fermentation. It's like rotting, but in a good way. The Beerslayer sells all of the stuff required to make beer at home (318-858-2219, call him, Bob Carbone, he's extremely helpful.). He's as nice a guy as you could meet, and he set us up with the eq and raw materials to make 56 bottles of beer (this next pic is pretty big so prolly don't click it if you are on dial-up)

The cheap vodka is for the airlock to make sure no bacteria get into the fermenting pile. The toaster is for... well, everyone needs toast! The smiley face is not necessary - it's here for ambience only.

I'm very excited about this and will be making my first batch tomorrow. It takes a month for the beer to be ready, so don't expect a lot of postings a month from now!

At the Ready

North Korea has fired 7 missiles aimed at who knows what in the last day or two. The governments of the world seem concerned about condemning them for wasting money on missiles when they should be learning to grow corn or rice.

Well I'm not! If he fires one more missile, I'm firing mine at him. I already have one on the launch pad. Your move, Mr. Il Kim.

UPDATE: I decided to do a pre-emptive attack and shot my missile towards the capital building in Pyongyang. Sadly, I missed by just under 7,235 miles. I still have two in my arsenal though!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Always Take Your Time

I was supposed to be covering the morning press briefing and had overslept. I grabbed all of my stuff together and stuffed it in a briefcase and flew down to the White House. Made it! Tony Snow was just getting to the podium as I sat down. I wanted to record everything he said, so I pulled out my microphone and pointed it at him.

Little did I know that I had accidentally left my mic at home, and had instead mistakenly pulled out my daughter's "Harry Potter Super Magic Wand of Marblizing." Tony found out the 'hard' way that it works.

You know I'm not lying. Would anyone in their right mind make this up?

(Photoshop tutorial (kinda) here.)

Might be Photoshopped

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


Here's what happens to mosquitoes I catch biting me. I'm very hardline when it comes to fighting mosquitoes. If one of them attacks me, I'll kill as many of them as I can find in retaliation.

This time was a little different though. Right after squishing this mosquito, my inbox filled up with emails from the "EU" complaining that I was using disproportionate force in attacking the mosquitoes. They were suggesting I give the mosquitoes a chance to win the battle or something. ...Wha...?

I here Israel is getting a lot of junk mail from the EU saying the same thing. Well TOO BAD! The mosquito attacked me, not the other way around, just like the Palestinans attacked Israel. Whatever force we are in the mood to use, we are in the right.

Now I don't know who these "EU" people are (I'm guessing it's like PETA), but if you don't have anything useful to say, how 'bout zippin' it?

I'm considering becoming Jewish to show my solidarity with Israel. Afternoons only, because bacon for breakfast is just too good. They get a lot of extra holidays, don't they?


Old Joke

A bear and a rabbit are going to the bathroom in the woods. The bear says "Rabbit, do you ever have problems with crap sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit tells him "Why no, I don't ever have that problem!"

So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his behind with it.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


I received a fake $100 bill today. I took it to the police and they believe it was created locally (meaning my home state of Louisiana). Can you see why?

Sidenote: I wrote a thing to make the banner at the top of the page random. If it is always the same for you, please comment or drop me an email with your browser name so I can make it work better. Thanks!

Happy 4th!

To the people of the world:

I'm partial to America, but I bet your country is great too, if you live in freedom. We are celebrating our freedom, formalized on July 4, 1776, 230 years ago today. This date probably means nothing to you if you are not American, but I bet the word 'freedom' does! So why not celebrate freedom with us? Celebrating is always fun, and freedom is wonderful!

Remember who keeps your country free.

It's one of the few things worth fighting for.

UPDATE: Well, the celebration is over for another year. If anyone knows the dates other countries celebrate independence or freedom, let me know. I'll celebrate with ya!

Monday, July 03, 2006

For the Ladies

Ladies, do you want to be alluring? It's very easy. All you have to do is tilt your head forward so you have to look up at everyone, get a slightly angry look on your face, and (I can't stress this one enough) always carry a serrated scimitar and a throwing axe.

Well, it works on me at least...

UPDATE: I forgot to mention, if you are as pretty as Michelle Malkin, you don't really need the axe.


Normally, I don't like to say bad things about my pictures. But this one in particular is really making me angry. I took a photo of a ballerina doing a perrier jouet or something. It was a keeper, so I put it in my photo album. But now, every time I open the album, I catch her in the act of trying to steal from another photo in there.

I think I'm going to have to get the other photos together and do an intervention. Thats where everyone tells the photo how it is hurting all the other photos in the album. Interventions are emotionally draining, but the only other option is kicking the photo to the curb. I'm not ready to do that yet.

Jeez, when did photography get so complicated?

Listen to our anthem

This blog is on the 'no tag' list.