Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore

Change is not always good (from the Inbox)

2008-06-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

The buzzword of this election is 'CHANGE.' Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the 'Gunny' that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The Gunny responded, 'Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately'.

He went into the tent and said, 'The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it'.

The moral: A candidate may promise change in Washington but don't count on things smelling (or being) any better.

UPDATE: Obama promises that if he's elected, he will take all of your money for tax purposes, but give you back... change. Chump change.

Good News! Most Britons Aren't Stupid!

2008-06-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

See?

UPDATE: James Hanson must be fired. Ever since it became clear that he lied to us about global temperature changes, it has been impossible to trust NASA data. Is Hanson still just making it up? WHO KNOWS! He's still whining like a hippie who had to get a job, though.

Lose that poser ASAP if you ever want to be trusted again, NASA.

Mohammed ElBaradei Offers Israel a Carrot

2008-06-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

Mohammed ElBaradei, the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) promised today that he would resign, but only if Israel 'got off their butts and bombed the crap out of Iran's nuclear facilities'. This new added bonus to destroying Iran's nuclear capacity is thought to be enough to put many fence-sitters in the Israeli government into the hawkish camp.

One anonymous cabinet member said, "Perhaps if we picked a new head for the IAEA who's first name wasn't the same as most of the people trying to acquire nuclear bombs for nefarious uses, it could become a useful agency again." Sadly, he was reminded by a colleague that the IAEA has never been useful, other than for people trying to acquire nuclear weapons.

A recent Rasputin poll shows that 100% of bloggers who promote daily toast consumption support a massive Israeli strike.

Universal Health Care Promises Cure to Alcoholism!

2008-06-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

The solution: Government sponsored, free, 'medical whiskey'.

The Death of Tim Blair

2008-06-06T21:33:00.000-07:00

No, he's not dead in the literal sense. He's just dead in the literary sense. Or at least a 'blogging' sense. It's so sad to watch as he falls from world fame. Let's hope that at least Australians continue to follow him though. Tim Blair, without doubt the most humorous commentator in Australia, and possibly the funniest guy on the whole planet, has jumped the shark. You might ask, "How could such a horrible thing happen to such a nice and funny guy?"

Well first, you're asking the wrong guy. For all that you know, I'm sitting in my parent's basement in my pj's. What the heck do I know? But I will hazard a guess. It's because of his new website. It's slow as heck (click this if you doubt me), it seems incapable of remembering your name, forcing you to type it in each time you want to comment, and it's UNDER MODERATION! That of course means that if you enter a comment, it may or may not appear in a few hours, and makes discussions with other commenters impossible.

As hilarious as the guy is, he's now gone from the RSS feed. That website is just too annoying.

Good News? Yes and No

2008-06-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

From StrategyPage:

"June 6, 2008: With things quieting down in Iraq (U.S. casualties hit an all-time low in May, 2008), South Africa has regained its position as the most violent country on the planet, with a murder rate of 65 per 100,000 population. The death rate is also high in some other African countries (like Sudan, Somalia and Congo), but those placed don't keep records as effectively as South Africa. The Iraqi rate is now running at about 48 per 100,000. The Afghanistan rate is about 15. India, another area with lots of terrorism (and half of it is from communist and tribal rebels) the murder rate is about four per 100,000. That's about the same as most European nations, and half the U.S. rate. But the Western Hemisphere has always had a higher homicide rate than the Old World. No one is quite sure why."

How's Your Economy?

2008-06-05T16:06:00.001-07:00

Do you know anyone who's lost their job in the last few months? Do you know anyone who owns a business that has suddenly begun to tank?

Our town is small enough that everyone knows everyone else, and I know of no one who has lost their job or received a paycut. Not a single person. Is Louisiana immune to this downturn I keep hearing about on the news? Or are they just lying?

I'm very curious, friends. Do you know people close to you who have lost jobs, can't find jobs, or have received a paycut?

Because I'm about to call 'shenanigans' on this whole 'recession' boondoggle. It appears to be completely imaginary.

Matt Drudge Disgusts Me

2008-06-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the latest headline on drudgereport.com?

I am offended on multiple levels. First, it's really none of our business who the man is having sex with. I guess it could be said that if he's cheating on his wife, it may suggest that he would screw us over just as quickly as he screwed over his wife, but that's a bit of a stretch. Second, shouldn't Matt have mentioned this to Ms. Obama before publicizing it? That's pretty insensitive on his part.

And lastly, is 'tapped' even an acceptable euphemism for sex? It wasn't when I was a kid. It was considered quite vulgar, in fact.

UPDATE: OOPS! I seem to have gotten the story wrong.

Ok, that means something totally different.

Nevermind.

Unrequited Love

2008-06-02T20:30:00.001-07:00

Don't tell my wife. Or the kids. They're blabbermouths. But I love this woman.

Guns and an attitude. Holy cow. I love her. But just to tick me off, she became a lesbian (as far as I can tell, that was the only reason she did it). Just more proof that women are jerks.

Why Not Just Say It?

2008-05-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

Was that so hard? We get it. You want to take from the people who work, and give it to the people who can't be bothered to work. We always knew it. Why can't you just man-up and admit it?

Humor from the Inbox

2008-05-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.

'They're mating,' her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

'That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Long legs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain sh** in our garden."

Enough With Feminism!

2008-05-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

New rules, feminists. I don't care how cold your feet are, you are not allowed to put them on my other people's backs while in bed to warm them up. I mean, come on!

Can We?

2008-05-24T02:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah. We can.

Ok, I'm not sure about that last one on the list, but he definitely said all of the others.

TOTALLY UNFAIR ATTACK!

2008-05-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

Obama said, "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say Ok..."

Since when did we care what someone from another country thought about the temperature in our homes? I can't remember the last time I wondered if a guy from Senegal was 'ok' with my preference for the thermostat. For the record, it should be known that we only keep our house at 72 degrees in the winter. In the summer, it's more like 69 degrees.

72 degrees at all times. Sheesh. Obama is such a LIAR.

UPDATE: Laura Ingraham is laying into him for this comment now. If I could figure out how to post an mp3, I would. But I can't, so I won't. She's pretty funny though. Tune in if you have the chance.

Quick Takes

2008-05-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

-Pope re-instates gay marriage ban after California vote. Hah! Take THAT, California courts. If judges can create laws, then so can he!

-Obama calls Hamas 'hummus'. "We need to sit down with hummus and start a dialogue. It's the only way to peace." I wonder if he knows the difference between the two.

- Soldier refuses to serve in Iraq because he feels it's an illegal war. Government grants him 15 years of leisure in Leavenworth to reconsider his decision.

- From the 'Are You #$%& Kidding Me?' files - Dutch police arrest person for drawing a cartoon! WTH? The Dutch aren't even French. So why are they surrendering their freedoms like frenchmen?

- Lastly, catching up on my reading (well, more accurately, 'blowing it off'), I may have set a new browser record:

Can anyone beat that? I hope those 125 posts aren't important, because I'm kind of tired.

Vote Democrat for Prez(I'm not kidding)

2008-05-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pundits tells conservative politicians to "Cut ties with McCain and the RNC and run as conservatives"

AMEN! Levin is right. Cut the cord! The RNC sucks almost as much as the DNC these days. Cut the cord! Cutting the cord is how such a cool conservative as Bobby Jindal got elected as our governor. Cut the friggin' cord!

Cut the ties to the RNC and RETURN TO CONSERVATISM!

I hope I'm not alone in hoping that McCain never becomes president. I'll vote against him if I have to - Even if it means a vote for the disingenuous man known as 'Obama'. Even if it means voting Democrat for the first time in my life. We simply cannot allow a liberal such as McCain to claim to be a conservative and destroy what we stand for. His willingness to worship at the altar of global warming makes it abundantly clear that he has a liberal bent (or an intelligence problem), but it's only one of many liberal stances he has. He's also a big fan of allowing foreigners free-reign to invade our country. There's very little that's conservative about him. He DOES seem to be anti-tax, but that's really small potatoes when you consider his liberal ideals mentioned above.

Conservatives, listen. We've already lost the election. There are no conservatives left in the race. There's nothing we can do. Vote for true conservatives in the House and Senate if you can. But keep in mind, that's the only option left for you. Voting for McCain will only legitimize the idea that Republicans are actually closet liberals. NTY.

Please please please don't make me leave the Republican party. Vote against McCain. He's no conservative. Don't vote for him like he is. Let the crazy hippie Obama get the job. It's the only way we can show him up. But more importantly, it's the only way we can revive conservatism. Think about the fallout from the Carter years or Clinton in 1994 before you doubt me. Remember how much both of those situations unexpectedly benefited conservatives dramatically? The first got us Reagan, and the second got us the first Republican House majority in 40-50 years.

Electing McCain will have the opposite effect. It will connect us forever with falling for the global warming scam, and it will connect us forever with allowing anyone from any nation to cross our borders at will. The actual results will probably be the same no matter who we vote for, but wouldn't you agree that it would be better to let the Democrats be the ones who look stupid for buying into global warming and look weak for being unable to clamp down on our borders?

In fairness, I have to admit that I've never really been a Republican, although I'm registered that way. I'm a conservative, and that's all. It just happened that for all of my life, Republicans were conservative. It's becoming clear that this is no longer a true statement.

A vote against McCain is a vote for conservatism.

Did You See Capricorn One?

2008-05-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

I only bring this up because of the new UAV's that we use to smash the jihadis. Has anyone ever actually seen them in flight? Because I'll be honest: I think I can see some wires! Are we getting faked out?

UPDATE: No, we're not getting faked out. But I'm sick of the global warming scam and the 9/11 truther scam. I'm just trying to start a new one to give the crazy people something else to worry about, so they'll get over the other silly ones.

Military Humor

2008-05-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

More at Strategy Page. There are dozens of them.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Friendly fire - isn't"

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

Political Commentary

2008-05-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

As we continue to close in upon Election Day, it's every person's duty to weigh in on the issues and back their candida... screw it. I dislike them all. There is no one running for prez that will do anything I approve of. Instead let's have:

GENDER WARS! - Why it's better to be a man

The main reason: Wallets. Women don't have them! Instead, they have purses. And as a guy who has tried to pilfer money from his wife at least a dozen times, let me be the first to tell you that purses NEVER have money in them. Just checks, some pennies, and credit cards. Wallets, however, always have a couple of bucks in them. When choosing your gender, choose 'man'. That way, you'll always have a dollar or two in your wallet. It's a simple choice when you think about it. Do you really want to write a check for a coke and a bag of chips at the convenience store?

PJM

2008-05-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

Does anyone read the website, Pajamas Media? If so, quit it. Once hyped as a great alternative to the MSM, they have now become useless. They're now worse than the media they sought to depose. Roger Simon, a man who I once approved of so much that I was willing to include his middle initial (L.) DESPITE my disgust for people who can't exist with merely two names, has let us down. He's become a shill! No, they'll get no more support from me.

Why have I lost interest in supporting PJM? Because they cut off The Gates of Vienna. It's that simple. What kind of idiotic move is that?! Yet they still allow AoS. I'm not complaining about that: I love AoS and read Ace almost daily. I'm just denoting the hypocrisy. Ace is rude as hell, and that's fine and fun, but when GoV personnel merely mention truth, The cops at Pajamas Media throttle them?!?

Enough. Roger Simon can kiss my ass. And stick that L where the sun doesn't shine. Well, the top half, anyway.

Movie Reviews - Enchanted - Iron Man

2008-05-04T02:31:00.000-07:00

Iron Man - Best. Movie. Ever.

Ok, maybe that was overstating it a bit, but it's good. Pay the money to see it in bigscreen. You won't suffer buyer's remorse. The Existing Thing agrees. I'll go one step further: We have to drive 90 minutes to get to the nearest movie theater because we are so far in the country that it takes 10 minutes just to get to the boondocks. It was worth the 180 minute round-trip drive!

Enchanted - Second. Best. Movie. Ever.

Again, this is possibly overstating things a bit. The first ten minutes of the show are painful for an adult to watch (kids love it, however), but the rest of it is as enjoyable as a G rated movie can be. Yes, there's a wee bit of animation, and yes, there are three songs, but despite that, it's still fun!

Here's one of the songs to give you an example.

Of course, I may be overstating the quality of this show because I'm - uh - let's say 'Enchanted' by Amy Adams. Sorry, but it can't be helped. She's simply the womaniest woman in all of womanhood. She's just so womany! How can a guy resist a woman who is such a womanly shining example of woman-ness? IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I blame Amy Adams. IMO, she should cut it out with all that woman stuff. It's getting me in trouble.

I hope this isn't a spoiler, but in the Disney movie, "Enchanted", they all live happily ever after. What an unexpected twist!

Overheating?

2008-04-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

149 Degrees Fahrenheit is just too hot for a computer, especially since I'm only editing an audio clip. Something weird is going on. But never fear, my valiant blogfriends! I have the solution. With merely a judicious use of ice and cold water, I shall quickly resolve this proble Æ½°¦êèèèñ~NO CARRIER

'Most Beautiful' Awards

2008-04-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

It's time to vote for your choice of who are the most beautiful people in the world. One award for males, and one award for females. Hurry to make your vote count. Vote now!

UPDATE: TOO LATE! We have our winners. For the females, taking fourth place, third place, first runner-up, and winner, is Amy Adams!

Unfortunately there were no votes on the male side, so I'm just going to have to guess:

And my wife says I don't understand women. Well this is proof positive that I do, huh? What a hunk that guy is. Congratulations, Amy and Fred!

Urgent: We Need More Napkins

2008-04-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

If you've got 3 minutes to waste, this will make you smile. Unless you disapprove of groups of people spontaneously bursting into song and dance at the local mall, that is.

SPOILER ALERT! At the end of the story, she gets the napkin.

Mark Stein

2008-04-08T19:11:00.000-07:00

I love this guy.

Incidentally, if you examine the philosophical underpinnings of Canada's "human rights" "jurisprudence," you're struck by a consistent contempt not just for freedom of expression and the presumption of innocence but also for property rights: it's no surprise that a body that takes unto itself the power to regulate the content of privately owned magazines also assumes with nary a thought that it has the right to hijack its neighbours' computer systems when it needs to construct a false identity.

He makes me ashamed for laughing at Canadians for saying 'aboot', 'chesterfield', 'ottoman', and 'eh'.