The Tip Jar

- Don't run with scissors.
- A penny saved is... a frickin' penny. Save dollars if you care about your future or your kids' futures.
- Don't eat with your mouth open.
- Meat that is not pork or beef will definitely taste like chicken.
- It takes two to tango, but if you don't feel like tango-ing, one will do.
- There is indeed such a thing as a free lunch. Ask your local salesman.
- If you enjoy catching flies, use honey, but see a therapist soon. Enjoyment in catching flies is a serious red flag suggesting deeper issues.
- There's more than one way to skin a cat, but if you are into cat skinning, seek therapy even sooner.


That's all the tips you need to have a great life! If I left any out, please add them in one of the comments sections. Why are there two? I don't know either.

Here's some more lessons that commenters have learned so you don't have to!
- Don't take a bath in a glass house. (le)
- Buy low, sell high. (le)
- Never pet a burning dog. (existingthing)
- There are easier ways to go to hell than in a handbasket. (le)
- Toast always lands butter-side down, especially if you butter both sides before you drop it. (Jay)