Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: The End of a Nation

Friday, January 27, 2006

The End of a Nation

This is a stunning defeat for America. In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court of the United States today struck down the Declaration of Independence as unconstitutional. Justice Scalia wrote the dissent, saying only, "Why oh why did we let O'Connor come back!?!" Justice Ginsburg and O'Connor co-wrote in the court opinion stating that "...the officials who drafted the Declaration were not democratically elected, since women and some minorities were not allowed to vote. Therefore, the court declares the entire document null and void."

Since the document has been invalidated, America is once again under British rule. The most noticeable result is that the United States of America will now be changed to the United States of Great Britain, and judges will have to wear white wigs.

Democrats immediately claimed that this was just another example of Republicans destroying America. Sen. Kerry (D) voiced concern that "Republicans are continually outsourcing good jobs oversees. Now all the high paying positions such as "Senator" and "Representative" are being outsourced to Great Britain, leaving only minimum-wage jobs like "Mayor" in America."

England immediately reinstated a tax on tea in "the colonies across the pond", and have sent a case of Newcastle Brown Ale to the President with a note saying, "Sorry old boy, but Tony needs you to vacate his new summer home by week end." A law forcing steering wheels to be placed on the right side of the car is still on the floor in Parliament.

The American media apparently does not consider this an important news story, as it is hardly being reported at all. "People just aren't interested in news that doesn't make a conservative or two look bad", said NYT writer Paul Krugman.

Next week the court is expected to rule on whether the Constitution is unconstitutional.

Listen to our anthem

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