Old One Liners

I don't like to brag, but my doctor said I'm as healthy as a man twice my age!

They say that ballet is a very hard thing to do. I say, "Don't do it!"

The two rules for a great life:
1: Don't tell people everything you know
2:

Jack Handy
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.