I'll Come to the Rescue... Again...
*Sigh* I'm getting to old for this. In the 40s it was fun. I was a young buck itching for a fight. Now I just feel tired all of the time. Oh well, it can't be helped - America needs me. We are in a war with the craziest cult on Earth. Islam. The hard-core muslims want to kill everyone who is not muslim, or just not the right kind of muslim. The moderate muslims are much different, since they only want to kill Jews, at least as long as we keep mum on the fact that Islam is a religion prone to bloodletting. The muslims who believe in peace are notably silent on the issue. I've talked with all six of them, and none will offer any advice on calming Islam's murderous tendencies.
So it's come to this, at long last. To save the world again, I'll don the uniform and do my duty for America and the rest of the freedom-loving half of the world. Remember how good I looked in that outfit?
It shouldn't take long. As everyone knows, when Captain America throws his mighty shield, all those who chose to oppose his shield must yeild. It's the law.
Update: Actually, I think I'm going to exercise a little, and get the hair in my ears snipped off before I attack. I had my uniform taken out some, but it's still too tight around the waist. And these boots don't seem very orthopedic to me. Does anyone know where to get those Dr. Scholl foot pad things? Also, things look a little blurry. I'd better get my eyes checked too.
Wait, what was I doing again? Oh yes! Saving the world. Oh well, I'll get back to you on when I'll be out there fighting evil on the front lines. But rest assured, I'm coming!