To the Sea, and Victory!
Riding on a wave of victory, Ned Lamont today summoned his Democratic Party minions to the shores of Connecticut. Everyone even remotely connected to the Democratic party was there. He made a long speech. What an amazing speech it was!
A new age of appeasement is dawning. Too long has America single-handedly caused all of the woes of the world. But no more. I have studied the tactics of the French, and we shall follow in their footsteps to glory!
Terrorists are not bad people. We are the bad people for not taking the time to understand their needs. My research shows that all they want is Israel and the lower half of Spain. Is that too much to ask for peace? I say no, and am willing to throw in Kashmir and Southern Michigan to seal the deal.
Some say we don't have a platform. Nonsense. The Democratic Party has a firm platform, as we have had for 5 years. If it helps America, or if Bush wants it, we are against it. How much simpler of a platform could you ask for?
I cut out most of it for brevity, because a lot of the speech was just repeating the above quotes in random order. During the entire speech, there was this eery music playing in the background that was mesmerizing. After a while, he had the crowd completely enchanted, so he finally he ended his speech.
Lamont: Now my friends, it is time. To the sea!
Crowd: (confused) You mean we are going to the sea... to make salt? Like Gandhi did during quest for Indian independence?
Lamont: "Uh, yeah, that's what we're doing. Follow me while I play this carefree tune!"
I watched as he led the Democratic party away in single file, both the celebrity Democrats and the nameless masses. All the while he played his song. As I left I wondered: Where will Ned lead the once great Democratic party? To future glory, no doubt.
(Thanks to the Defiant Infidel for the great photo idea. Please click the picture, it took me an hour to make it!)