The Church of Toast

You probably don't know this, but I have a degree in Toastrology and Toastonomy, so I am a firm believer in both the physical and metaphysical aspects of toast. But I don't think I can follow the Church of Toastieology. It just seems to be more about the toast-eater than the toast itself.

I was watching Oprah one day and she was interviewing the famous bookwriter Tom Cruise. He is a Toastieologist, but he wasn't talking about it. He was explaining that it is easier to dance on a couch than the ground, because you get that "spring" action going for you to give you extra bounce. Fair enough, but what happened next was appalling.

Tom noticed that Oprah was eating some toast during the interview. With a cry of, "Gimme Gimme Gimme", he pounced on her. At first she was reluctant to part with it, as it had already been buttered and was in the prime of it's life. But at this point, toast was flying every which way, and the buttered piece landed buttered side down on the floor. Oprah said, "Take the damned toast!"





Tom Jumped for joy,did a quick little prayer to the now flipped over buttered slice, and would not finish the interview until he had eaten every piece of toast on the set.


I agree that great reverance should be shown to toast, but to me it looked like Tom was just being greedy. As everyone knows, Toastrology is mostly about the sharing of toast. I think I'm gonna pass on Toastieology.


(Transform (lotta distort), used some glow in prayer. Self-explanatory I think. Unrelated link here.)