Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: Global Warming Explained

Friday, June 30, 2006

Global Warming Explained

Ever since Al Gore created Global Warming, I've been somewhat concerned about it. I've done a lot of reading, and have even taken my own temperature measurements for the last couple of years. I think I've got it figured out.

The first thing my data told me was that every year, without exception, we suffered global cooling from November through mid March, followed by 6 months of global warming. My Australian friend noticed this too, but in opposite months. We have apparently been having 6 month cycles of Global Warming followed immediately by 6 months of Global Cooling, for many years. Weird that noone ever noticed this before, huh?

Anyway, I've identified the cause, and there's no reason for concern about Global Warming anymore. Good news indeed!

Here's how it works. There is a black hole orbiting the earth over the poles. It is apparently there to suck all the excess heat off the northern hemisphere for six months, and then the southern for the other six. I've attached a picture of the black hole taken from the Hubble telescope.

Unfortunately, it's difficult to see, being black, and pretty small. But, we know it's there. As a scientist (I hold degrees in both scientology and scientonomy), I know of no other phenomenon that would explain our yearly climate change. And if the climate does someday get too warm, I'm sure someone can just fly up there and turn up the sucking power of the black hole or something (it's too technical to go into details here). Long story short: Global Warming - not a problem. Rest easy.

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