Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: June 2010

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Inbox Humor

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some ass-hole wants to buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Alabama, sir." the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Alabama?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players there."

The manager said, "My wife is from Alabama."

"Really!" the boy said, "Who'd she play for?"

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Arrr. The Jews Be Pissing Me Off.

Israel has handled this flotilla thing completely wrong. What they should have said initially and what they still should say now is,
If you want to give stuff to Gazans, steam to an Israeli port and we'll ship it for you. If you instead try to run the blockade, you'll receive a shot across the bow. If you continue in your misguided quest, your ship will become flotsam and jetsom, and anything organic onboard will become food for sharks and crabs. No rescues will occur, and rescue ships will be sent to Davy Jones' locker as well.
Face facts, Israel. You're going to be condemned by the UN no matter what you do. So why not take out a few hippies and jihadis in the process?

Also, flip them the bird before you destroy the vessels. It's not helpful, but it would be pretty funny.

UPDATE: Also, they should change the name of the group upholding the Gaza blockade to 'Israeli Peace Commando Activists'.

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