Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: May 2010

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Draw Mohammed Day

Hey, you've never seen him. How do you know that he didn't have a dented squarish head? I'm sticking with my drawing.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Humor from the Inbox

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

A young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody around was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."

The morals of the story:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Noteable Quoteable

"I don't think there's an animal alive that can be killed with a 20 gauge shotgun that can't be killed just as easily with a 16 gauge shotgun." - My next-door neighbor

Yes, he said that. And now it can never be unsaid. Sadly, I was laughing too hard to ask him to clarify. What does it mean? We may never know.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

How to Lose $75,433.57 in a Single Day

It's simple. Let me invest your money. I just did it today, and it was surprisingly easy. Didn't even have to buy or sell anything. Thanks Greece! F$^#ing union bas#$ds.

(sorry for this angry post. I'm quite pissed off. Not as pissed off as our kids will be when we tell them that they are going to community college, but still, quite pissed off.)

Slad Knows How to Get Voters to Vote

The BBC says [voter] turnout in the village of Slad, in Gloucestershire, often hits 100%. Possibly not unrelated to the fact that the polling station is the village pub.
We can still learn a thing or two from the Brits.

Listen to our anthem

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