Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: May 2009

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Oh No! Espan Yole!

I was messing around with proxy servers last night, and suddenly YouTube started coming to me in Spanish!
Does anyone know how to fix this? There doesn't appear to be an 'english' button. Help!

UPDATE: Doh. The trick is to click 'Espanol'. This pops up the list of REAL languages (spanish is a fake language... well that's what I'm saying) and you can choose 'English' at that point.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Screw the Single Malts

The best present a man can ever receive. Don't waste your money on the blue label, and ESPECIALLY don't waste it on the single malts. This $80 bottle is all it takes to let the love of your life know that... well, he's the love of your life.

The liquid missing from the top of the bottle? That's how much it took for me to realize that life is really really good. Maybe it's the Scotch talking, but I love you. You're awesome.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Cole Crop Reign Endeth

This is the end of the cole crop season (cole, aka 'cruciferous' vegetables include broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, kale, napa, and possibly mustard greens, among many others). They are a cool season vegetable, and it's getting hot as heck down here. Here is our last and biggest cabbage, which I'm showing as an exemplary member of the cole family:

Also pictured: tomatoes in a bag. Sorry, I wrote that stuff to send it to a friend, and I accidentally wrote right on the image, so I can't remove it :(. Anyway, after removing a few leaves that got hit hard by bugs, it's still 11.5 inches across! That's serious cabbage. Wish I liked to eat the stuff :(.

If you like cole crops, here are some good rules of thumb:

- 3 broccoli plants is enough to make a family of 4 sick of broccoli for about two months.
- Napa, aka Chinese Cabbage, is not... good. Unless you're planning on making a few hundred egg rolls and freezing them, don't plant Napa.
- Don't attempt cauliflower unless you live in a cool clime that is mostly dry and devoid of slugs. I say let the Californians grow that nasty vegetable.
- Plant them indoors 3-4 weeks ahead of time and transplant them to your garden when you're pretty sure the temps won't drop below 25 degrees. They can actually handle colder weather than 25 degrees, but it stunts them a bit.
- Exceed the recommended application of fertilizer written on the bag you purchased with wild abandon. They thrive in heavily fertilized soil (as do tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers, fwiw)

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Terrible News - THE US IS UNDER A TACK!!!


Jules Crittenden is Marie Osmond’s Lesbian Daughter

No one has said Marie Osmond’s Lesbian Daughter as many times in a single article as Jules Crirtenden. Shameless stat manipulation, but kind of funny :).

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Stock Tip

(not a joke)

Whenever a company that you own stock in is about to report quarterly profits, do this:

- Sell all of it a few hours before they report. If they report after hours, sell as close to the bell as you can manage.

- After they report, the stock will dive, regardless of whether it's good news or bad news. I don't know why, but trust me, it will dive.

- So buy it back five trading hours later. If they reported after hours, buy it back the next day at around 2:30pm ET.

The final step: PROFIT! My guess is that you'll pick up a quick 2-3% profit. Not a lot, but over time, it's huge.

ps - You're welcome.

UPDATE 5/7/09: I've gotten three emails about this post (I had no idea that three people even read this blog) and it's clear that my comment caused some confusion. Hopefully this will clear it up.

1) This is not a sure thing. Weird stuff happens all the time in the market. But yeah, it's kind of a sure thing. *wink* Pick any stock you have, go back to the day that they announced their profits, and see for yourself.

2) No, this does NOT work with mutual funds or exchange traded funds.

3) You can't do this with your 401k :(.

4) You CAN and SHOULD do this with your IRA.

5) If you do it with regular taxable monies, remember that it's considered a 'wash' sale by the IRS, and you can't claim any loss you might have incurred if you happen to be selling the stock for less than you originally purchased it for. Don't worry - you still get to claim the loss. But not until you sell the stock for good.

6) Apologies for injecting a serious note into my goofy blog. To lighten things up, here's a cheeseburger!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The Economy (from the inbox)

The Economy Is So Bad . . ..

- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- Jewish women are marrying for love.
- Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.
- HotWheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
- Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.
- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
- A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico. [pre-swine flu]
- The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
- People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
- Motel Six no longer leaves the light on.
- The Mafia is laying off judges.
And finally......

- Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Hey, great idea the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Bottleshock Review

Eh. It's a pretty good movie. Worth a rent. I'm a sucker for true stories. Here's a clip:

I love it when British and Americans tussle. It's just fun barbs, at least ever since 1815. I'm confident that we will never be at odds with Britain again unless islam destoys them. But until then, rent Bottleshock.

Listen to our anthem

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