Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: June 2008

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Change is not always good (from the Inbox)

The buzzword of this election is 'CHANGE.' Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the 'Gunny' that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The Gunny responded, 'Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately'.

He went into the tent and said, 'The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it'.

The moral: A candidate may promise change in Washington but don't count on things smelling (or being) any better.

UPDATE: Obama promises that if he's elected, he will take all of your money for tax purposes, but give you back... change. Chump change.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Good News! Most Britons Aren't Stupid!


UPDATE: James Hanson must be fired. Ever since it became clear that he lied to us about global temperature changes, it has been impossible to trust NASA data. Is Hanson still just making it up? WHO KNOWS! He's still whining like a hippie who had to get a job, though.

Lose that poser ASAP if you ever want to be trusted again, NASA.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Mohammed ElBaradei Offers Israel a Carrot

Mohammed ElBaradei, the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) promised today that he would resign, but only if Israel 'got off their butts and bombed the crap out of Iran's nuclear facilities'. This new added bonus to destroying Iran's nuclear capacity is thought to be enough to put many fence-sitters in the Israeli government into the hawkish camp.

One anonymous cabinet member said, "Perhaps if we picked a new head for the IAEA who's first name wasn't the same as most of the people trying to acquire nuclear bombs for nefarious uses, it could become a useful agency again." Sadly, he was reminded by a colleague that the IAEA has never been useful, other than for people trying to acquire nuclear weapons.

A recent Rasputin poll shows that 100% of bloggers who promote daily toast consumption support a massive Israeli strike.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Universal Health Care Promises Cure to Alcoholism!

The solution: Government sponsored, free, 'medical whiskey'.

Friday, June 06, 2008

The Death of Tim Blair

No, he's not dead in the literal sense. He's just dead in the literary sense. Or at least a 'blogging' sense. It's so sad to watch as he falls from world fame. Let's hope that at least Australians continue to follow him though. Tim Blair, without doubt the most humorous commentator in Australia, and possibly the funniest guy on the whole planet, has jumped the shark. You might ask, "How could such a horrible thing happen to such a nice and funny guy?"

Well first, you're asking the wrong guy. For all that you know, I'm sitting in my parent's basement in my pj's. What the heck do I know? But I will hazard a guess. It's because of his new website. It's slow as heck (click this if you doubt me), it seems incapable of remembering your name, forcing you to type it in each time you want to comment, and it's UNDER MODERATION! That of course means that if you enter a comment, it may or may not appear in a few hours, and makes discussions with other commenters impossible.

As hilarious as the guy is, he's now gone from the RSS feed. That website is just too annoying.

Good News? Yes and No

From StrategyPage:

"June 6, 2008: With things quieting down in Iraq (U.S. casualties hit an all-time low in May, 2008), South Africa has regained its position as the most violent country on the planet, with a murder rate of 65 per 100,000 population. The death rate is also high in some other African countries (like Sudan, Somalia and Congo), but those placed don't keep records as effectively as South Africa. The Iraqi rate is now running at about 48 per 100,000. The Afghanistan rate is about 15. India, another area with lots of terrorism (and half of it is from communist and tribal rebels) the murder rate is about four per 100,000. That's about the same as most European nations, and half the U.S. rate. But the Western Hemisphere has always had a higher homicide rate than the Old World. No one is quite sure why."

Thursday, June 05, 2008

How's Your Economy?

Do you know anyone who's lost their job in the last few months? Do you know anyone who owns a business that has suddenly begun to tank?

Our town is small enough that everyone knows everyone else, and I know of no one who has lost their job or received a paycut. Not a single person. Is Louisiana immune to this downturn I keep hearing about on the news? Or are they just lying?

I'm very curious, friends. Do you know people close to you who have lost jobs, can't find jobs, or have received a paycut?

Because I'm about to call 'shenanigans' on this whole 'recession' boondoggle. It appears to be completely imaginary.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Matt Drudge Disgusts Me

Have you seen the latest headline on

I am offended on multiple levels. First, it's really none of our business who the man is having sex with. I guess it could be said that if he's cheating on his wife, it may suggest that he would screw us over just as quickly as he screwed over his wife, but that's a bit of a stretch. Second, shouldn't Matt have mentioned this to Ms. Obama before publicizing it? That's pretty insensitive on his part.

And lastly, is 'tapped' even an acceptable euphemism for sex? It wasn't when I was a kid. It was considered quite vulgar, in fact.

UPDATE: OOPS! I seem to have gotten the story wrong.

Ok, that means something totally different.


Monday, June 02, 2008

Unrequited Love

Don't tell my wife. Or the kids. They're blabbermouths. But I love this woman.

Guns and an attitude. Holy cow. I love her. But just to tick me off, she became a lesbian (as far as I can tell, that was the only reason she did it). Just more proof that women are jerks.

Listen to our anthem

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