Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: February 2008

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wisdom Tooth Extraction Makes the World Good

I got my wisdom teeth removed today. It hurt a tiny bit, but it was mostly the sound of flesh being rendered from bone that got to me. In case you're in need of getting it done, you should know that it's really not painful. Just a little unnerving.

Anyway, it was about an hour after the surgery that I realized this simple fact: I love EVERYBODY! I love you visitors to my blog. I love my wife and kids, I love conservatives, I love sunlight, I love clouds, I love the way carpet feels upon my feet, I love water... the list is endless! As Tony the tiger says, everything is GRRRRREEEEAT!

Incidentally, when you get wisdom teeth pulled, they give you something called 'meperdine' for the pain. DON'T TAKE TWO OF THEM (like I did)! They seem to incite 'love'. On the other hand, they make a great replacement for aspirin! They work wonders on pain in the mouth too. I don't even feel like I have a mouth.

Expect stupid blog posts and comments for the next few days, people. Normally, I'd blame society, but this time I'm blaming meperdine.

UPDATE: I didn't mean 'stupid'. I meant 'stupider than you've come to expect'.

Friends, It is a Good Day

Last night I dreamt that I caught the flu while visiting my second home in San Mateo, CA. I guess the huge concentration of people increased the likelihood that I'd catch it. I dunno. You know how dreams are.

Anyway, upon awakening, I realized that not only did I not have the flu, but I don't even own a home in California! With a jump start like that, it's going to be a good day indeed.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Future Look of the New York Times

Ed Morrissey says so.

Monday, February 25, 2008

To Be, or Not To Be

My foray into the world of hydroponics has finally borne fruit. Well, maybe not 'fruit', but it's borne a flower! A blurry flower, but a flower nonetheless.

Sadly, after discussing it with my wife, we have decided that having a young tomato in our lives might not be the best thing at this point. We're both pretty busy, and raising a tomato right requires more time than we have to spare.

Please don't equate me with an abortionist. Those guys need a vacuum cleaner. I'm just using scissors.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

If McCain is the Nominee, I'm Moving

I know a lot of liberals said, "If Bush wins in 2004, I'm moving to France" or some other country. Of course, they were lying, and didn't move. But I mean it! Hand to God, if McCain becomes the Republican nominee, I and my wife are moving into the new bedroom, once the improvements to our house are completed. America be danged, I don't care anymore! I am unwilling to live in an America where McCain is our nominee... at least not in this old bedroom.

And that's a promise!

Update: This isn't Britain, McCain. Brush your d*mned teeth!

Good Idea From a Defiant Infidel

There is too much violent crime in America, and a lot of it involves guns. Let's nip it in the bud. Defiant Infidel tells us how. Simply put this sign in your front window. Problem solved!

This way, when a would-be thief comes to your door to rob you, he'll see the sign. Knowing he is not allowed to use his gun, he'll quickly realize he has no advantage over you, and simply leave! Man, I'm glad this problem is resolved. Remember to print out your sign and put it in your window so we won't have any more violent crimes!

Shot Down

Sorry dude, I'm only into women who are VERY female. 'Pretty' female just doesn't cut it. I've met WAY to many guys in my life who were 'pretty female'. No thanks.

And who the heck is It ain't me, that's for sure. Oh well. I'm going to make some toast to wash this crud down with.


Is this a new fad or something? I've gotten 4 or 5 of these in the last 3 days! Note to spammers: I'm not interested in guys, no matter HOW closely they approximate women. I'm not even allowed to be interested in women anymore, for goodness' sake! Carol made this exceedingly clear.

Monday, February 11, 2008

I Don't Get Catholiscism

I was born Catholic, but don't often practice the faith. The wife and kids do though, so I'm obliged to go to Sunday mass from time to time. Well today I went, and it only reinforced my opinion that Catholics are crazy!

In every sermon, about halfway through, they say the following:

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world. Grant us peas.

This has been bugging me for years, so today I stood up and said, "Forget peas! Grant us steak and potatoes with toast! Or grant us fried shrimp... on toast! I don't even like peas. Not even with toast!"

Here's the stunning part. They all looked at me like I was an idiot! They're praying for peas, but I'm the idiot. Sheesh. Peas suck! Whatever. Catholics are crazy.

Dominus vobiscum.

Listen to our anthem

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