Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: December 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Words Kill

Saturday, December 16, 2006


Time has decided to give it's annual 'Person of the Year' award to...

Hurray! I'm so grateful. Thanks to all who helped me attain this level of recognition! I don't have time to thank each and every one of you, but this award is shared by all of the people who are the wind beneath my wings.

Update: Oops! It turns out that EVERYONE won the award this year, not just me. It's great that you won too, but it's hard to get as excited about that.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Lowering the Standards

Ok, still two years to go, but we are going to have to elect a new President soon enough. It's time to start sending out feelers now. Here's a list of the things that are important to me. As the video explains, it's a choice position. If you want to be considered, you'd better be able to agree to a lot of these requests.

What? You don't agree? We are living in a nanny state, people. So shouldn't we try to get the best nanny we can find? I've heard good things about Congresswoman Poppins(I - England)...

Seriously though, giving us castor oil is a deal-breaker. Thanks to Jane and Michael B. for putting the requirements to song.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Please Help

I saw this sign in the park. If you've ever had your pet run away, you know what this guy is going through.

If anyone sees such a bird, don't hesitate to call him!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Gene Splicing

What a big mistake. Don't buy 'babyface' sunflower seeds, friends! Once they bloom, they never shut up.
I've got a whole field of these, and for some reason the wife won't let me cut them down. *sigh*. Women.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

New Plan for the Future

Voting Republican has produced some good results for our nation, but they reneged on most of their promises. Now that Democrats are in power, we should expect a gradual erosion of our economy by increased taxation and, if this is even possible, increased spending. Voting Republican doesn't help America much, and voting Democrat hurts it. What to do?

I'm starting a grassroots party. It's the answer to all of our problems. Our positions are unimportant. No one's going to follow through on any of the pre-election promises they made. So what's the difference? Let's elect people who are pretty and witty.

No one has informed Michelle, Laura or Ann that they will be heading up the Blonde party. Who wants to break it to them? And who wants to tell Ms. Malkin she has to dye her hair? Volunteers welcome.

Vote Blonde, and America will have more fun.

Small Minority Found to Spoil it for the Rest of Us

Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky didn't like the fact that the Seattle Airport had Christmas tree decorations in the terminal, but no Menorah. Mr. Bogomilsky explained, "I don't celebrate Christmas. So if it's not a fun holiday for me, why should anyone else be allowed to enjoy it? " Taking a page from the ACLU's standard ops manual, he threatened a lawsuit. The airport caved, ensuring there will be no joy or happiness in the Seattle International Airport this year. The Christmas trees were removed.

Stating that nobody should be happy if he isn't happy, Rabbi Elazar said that next he plans to sue the local 7-11 because they don't sell kosher salt. "They sell Christian salt at every 7-11 store in America, but no kosher salt. That is religious discrimination if I've ever seen it."

Update: Angel disagrees. I'm sticking with my position.

Update II: Le says that the rabbi has withdrawn his threat of a lawsuit, and the trees will go back up! Kudos to the airport for doing exactly the right thing by not appeasing him because of his threat. It would be better if they worked together next year to put up a menorah in the interest of inclusiveness, but this year they did the right thing. I'm not a fan of people who use Christmas decorations as a tool to force their own agendas. The difference between, "Would you put up a menorah for the celebration of Chanukah?" and, "If you are going to put up Christmas decorations, then you must put up Chanukah decorations, or I'll sue!" is the difference between night and day.

Why Tim Blair is Wrong

Archaeologists recently found a city of caves in Mexico inhabited by men almost a million years ago. They were so primitive that their garbage bags didn't even have a built-in drawstring. Twist-tie only. But they found some interesting information about the race. It was considered odd that they wrote in English, but what was even more amazing was the sign they found, similar to the 'Hollywood' sign seen in California:

They knew the truth, even back then. Scientists determined that the sign was five inches above the ground when it was created. Now, one million years later, it's seven inches under water. That's a one foot rise in the water level! Make your plans, and say goodbye to your loved ones, friends. This is proof positive that in a few million years, global warming will destroy us with rising sea levels. Soon the world will be one big ocean if my calculations are correct.

Tim Blair laughs at the Global Warming Doctrineers, and makes fun of them almost daily. But he's wrong, and we are all going to die. How many years will it take for him to realize the truth? Global warming will destroy us in less than 10 million years if we don't act now. And it will be Tim's fault.


Saturday, December 09, 2006

Funny Reagan Quotes

"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his."

"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

"The size of the federal budget is not an appropriate barometer of social conscience or charitable concern."

"Government does not solve problems, it subsidizes them."

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I Goofed

This blog has been moved to the new beta blog version at blogspot. For some reason, websites I linked to in the last 4 months or so disappeared. I fixed most, but if a link to your website disappeared, please email me or comment here, and I'll re-add it.

In other news, did you see Angel's latest post?

TWO Mus–lim students have been expelled from an Isl–amic school in Melbourne for urinating and spitting on a Bible and setting it on fire.

I vote that we don't attack mosques and kill people over this. Please people, don't let this heinous act be your excuse to hit the streets and destroy stuff. Oh wait, I forgot I am speaking to civilized people. Destruction probably wasn't part of your plan, huh :)

Friday, December 01, 2006

Call the RNC!

Update: Pulled 4 posts so this one would be at the top. I'll put them back later.

Please call the Republican National Committee at 202-863-8500 and let them know your feelings about appointing Mel "amnesty, but with a different name" Martinez. Press '3' when the computer lady answers. They don't answer 1 or 2. I phoned them to let them know I will be registering as an Independent the day Mel Martinez is confirmed.

If this guy is confirmed as the head of the RNC, then the Republican party has completely abandoned us (or at least, me). If he's confirmed, I promise to either vote for a 3rd pardy weirdo, or not vote at all in 2008.

The left is mostly wrong, but in this case they are absolutely correct. Our party is corrupt. As corrupt as the Democratic machine. They have absolutely no intention of securing our borders or enforcing our immigration laws. They have no intention of cutting government spending. I'm starting to believe they have no intention of destroying our enemies! I'm not completely sad that they are no longer in power.

To those of you who say, "Well, the alternative is to put the Democrats in power, and that would be even worse!" I say you are comparing an apple to the same friggin' apple. Voting for a slightly lesser evil is still voting for evil. And at this point, it's unclear if the Republicans are even the slightly lesser evil. They say they are for the things Americans generally want, like border enforcement, smaller government, etc., but they don't bother to make the laws. They lie. They just lie. At least when the Democrats come up with some crazy scheme, they follow through with it, crazy though it may be. Sadly, that's a plus.

So I'm NOT sad that the Republicans are out of power. It's been a long 4 years coming. And all the crazy laws that are ratified during the next two years are the direct fault of every Republican in both houses from 2002 to 2004. And of course Bush, with his "lower taxes and spend, create some new entitlements, and spend some more" attitude.

I read a blog where the man said, "Today, I became a Republican." It was based upon the crazy notion that fighting the bad guys was somehow wrong to liberals. He didn't buy it, and that made him a conservative. I understood what he meant when he said it, but now I'm close to saying, "Today, I became an Independent."

Listen to our anthem

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