Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: September 2006

Friday, September 29, 2006

It's not my fault, it was the babylonians!

Can you guess what this multilingual image says, or at least what I tried to make it say?

Hint: 4 languages

Hint: one of them is long dead

There is a prize involved! You will win 25 cents if you can say the phrase in English, and another dime if you can name the languages. Being that I am mostly all-knowing, I've already determined who will win and hidden the prize in your houses! You will find it in between the cushions on your couch. Congratulations to all the winnners!

See you Monday.

Update: The answer was supposed to be:

The United States (Dutch) of America (Italian), now and forever (Catholic Latin), God willing! (hebrew, or 'if Allah wills it', arabic). SticknStein, you were so close that I hid a 23 cent consolation prize in your Lazyboy. You might have to dig around a bit though :)

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I'm Muslim. Of Course I Support Jihad.

I just had an email discussion with a Muslim who blogs. He seemed like a moderate muslim that I've heard so much about and have been dying to strike up a conversation with. He said his mosque preaches pacifism, and implied that he was against terrorism. But then he said:

"I'm Muslim. Of course I support jihad. What I don't support is killing innocent people."

I ended the discussion quickly at that point because I want nothing to do with the type of person that thinks there is such a thing as a 'holy' war for any reason, at any time. Being against the killing of innocents is meaningless since people's innocence can disappear in a single day in the eyes of Islam. We saw it happen with the Danes in the cartoon jihad, we saw it happen to Salmon Rushdie, and now even to the Pope.

But what if my original assessment was correct and he actually is a moderate muslim? Do most moderate muslims support jihad? If so, are we at war with Islamofascist extremists, or the whole of Islam itself? I thought it was just the former, but something about "I'm Muslim. Of course I support jihad" makes me believe the problem is larger than previously thought.

This does not bode well. I know there are muslims who want to live in peace such as the great people at Iraq the Model. I just find it strange that there appear to be so few of them.


James Lileks on the new world order: "Islam has to be treated with unusual deference, like a 3-year-old child with anger management problems." The whole column is as brilliantly written as everything else he writes.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Smoking cigarettes is something only an idiot would do. Cigarettes offer no incentive: You can't smoke for any positive outcome. They'll kill you. Quickly if you want, or slowly if you don't, but they'll kill you. There are no two ways about it. I'm continuously amazed at how many people smoke cigarettes regardless of the data proving that they're going to die, and soon! It's pathetic if you think about it. People who smoke are just a bunch of fools. I have no respect for them. Smokers blow.

That said, I'm planning to quit smoking. In 24 hrs and 49 minutes. I'm embarrased to smoke, and even more-so to be forced to smoke outside my own freaking house. It's over. I've tried to quit before, but this time I'm armed with a pocket full of patches and an attitude (to be fair, I've always had the 'attitude' but it's only been used in bar-room brawls until now).

So my friends, please extend me the extreme honor of not taking insult at anything I say during the next week. I've only got 19 cigarettes to go, and I'm pretty pissed about it already. I'm full aware that you each have lives of your own, but if you ignore my smoke-denied aggressions, you'll be the better man/woman for it.

Update: Who looked at me funny? bring it you #%^&%!

Update II: Some @#%^^ son of a $%&*% visited my site without making a @*^$#% comment! It's on now.

Update III: I bumped my timetable. It's 7:30 am. Seven hours after my last cigarette. I'm wondering: Is life worth living? Then I realize: No, it's certainly not. Good Lord, I hope it gets better than this.

Update IV: Did you know that most things smell? What's up with that? Also, gum is NOT an effective replacement for a smoke. And patches don't work for squat. I'm in trouble, since I've only been awake for 3 hours, but I'm already at the end of my rope. And it's a rope that looks like this:

Well, it feels that way at least. Kids, DON'T EVER SMOKE! Smoking leads to quitting smoking. And quitting smoking leads to a serious case of the whines. It's just not worth it. The whining part is kind of fun though.

Young Love from the Inbox

So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

And... Should you use some tongue?

Then you lean in and just go for it!!!

Ah, to be young again.

I Bought my Daughter a Pistol (or: Women - I Really Don't Understand Them)

I'm of the opinion that young women should be in charge of their own lives. They should carry their own protection in the event that protection becomes necessary. No, I'm not talking about sex you perv, I'm talking about guns!
My daughter just had a birthday, and is now old enough to drive. So (unbeknownst to my wife) my wife and I bought her a gun. I taught her how to use it, took her to the shooting range, and practiced her accuracy. A .357 is a LOUD pistol, but she's used to it now. I've never fired a .45, but I can't imagine it being much more powerful, and certainly not any louder. A .357 will stop a rapist in a flash (and a bang), and that's really all I'm concerned about. She fully understands the dangers of having a weapon, and is now very clear on how and when to use/flash it. We decided she should keep it in her glove compartment (legal in Louisiana) so it would always be available to her when she's alone.

I should mention at this point that my wife is not a fan of guns. She buys into that 'weapons hurt the owner more often than the criminal' bs, so we additionally agreed not to discuss this present with 'Mom'. So where did my mistake lie? Insurance cards! They also go in the glove compartment of vehicles, and mothers will sometimes put new insurance cards in their daughter's cars.

Imagine my surprise when my wife comes storming into the room yelling, "Stacey has a #!%&# gun in her @#$%!^ glove compartment! Did you have anything to do with this?" Now, as most men know, lying to your wife will always come back and bite you in the rear. So, I went with the truth. "Honey, I'm not going to lie to you", I said, and was fully ready to let the matter drop, so I went back to what I was doing. Apparently, she wanted more info than that (Women, huh?). After a few moments of silence when it became clear that I wasn't offering up any more information on the subject, she let loose with a tirade involving more !@#^%#^ and #@%&$ words than I could fit into any post.

Long story short, Stacey doesn't have a gun in her glove compartment anymore. But if you mess with her, you'll find out where she keeps it. Don't tell Mom.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Is anyone against me posting home-made drawings of Mohammed? Being that I'm for total and massive war to end this evil cult or convince them to become a religion and adopt peaceful ways like the Hindus, Christians, Jews and Buddists have done, it doesn't seem like much of a stretch. As they say, 'peace is good, freedom is better'. So I'm happy to say that I'm still free to ask you if you are bothered by gratuitously obnoxious photo fakes of the leader of the cult of Islam. Please let me know in the next week, since I just bought a new stylus/pad, and plan on learning how to use it at the expense of the prophet of doom, mohammed.

If you are an Ayotollah or a Mufti or some other type of Islamic cleric, my apologies. I was only offering that question to the civilized part of the world. Keep your comments to yourself until followers of your religion stop killing people in the name of Islam. When that happens, welcome to the civilized world! Took you long enough.

Immigration Demystified

Thomas Lifson writes about muslim immigration in Australia. Apparently, Australians expect them to assimilate, or stay in their home country.

It is quite insulting and patronizing to immigrate to a country and expect it to adapt to the very things one left behind. This is the behavior of a conqueror, not an immigrant.

By definition, an immigrant asks for the privilege of being allowed to live in a country not his or her own. Immigrants have no right to demand change. No more than I have a right to barge into your house and demand you rearrange the furniture, knock out the wall between the kitchen and family room, and paint the parlor walls a different color.

An immigrant stipulates that the country to which he or she goes has a superior system. Without such an attraction, why else leave behind family, friends, and the attachments of sentiment?
Sounds fair to me! This is an excellent piece, and the points are equally valid for America's immigrants. I'm all for immigration, provided the immigrants become Americans. And provided they come here legally, and not in such a massive number that results in joblessness for the poorest of Americans. And learn to speak our freaking language!!!!! Other than that, welcome to America my friend. I hope it's not too tall of an order.

I wish we had someone in American politics like the venerable Australian Prime Minister Howard. He doesn't seem to care about political correctness. He's only concerned with right and wrong. I'm a fan of Bush, but let's face it - he's no John Howard. John Howard is larger than life.

(Hat tip: Tim Blair. Check him out if you have time. Grins and chuckles will ensue.)

Update: StiknStein has more on the immigration debate here in America. Another good read. He doesn't have any prime ministers that are 100 ft tall, but that may be a good thing, since he focuses on the facts.

Friday, September 22, 2006

TV Reviewed

I think that Simon fellow might have a flop with this spinoff.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

$75 Billion a Year?

Has anyone else heard this? I heard a guy on The Glenn Beck Show say it, and I've heard it at least once before. I'm not calling it fact, but it might be. He said:

"Following the Kyoto Protocol would cost the world $150 billion a year, according to the UN. The result of adherence would be that climate changes which would have occurred in 100 years... will take 106 years."

Now, I don't believe changes in climate are the result of anything other than the Earth doing its natural fluctuations. But even if it's true that the global climate is more strongly affected by humans than I believe - Is it worth $150 billion a year to slow the process down by 06%?

It's an important question, since the man on The Glenn Beck show went on to say that the UN also did a study that found that for $75 billion a year, we could end world hunger, vaccinate everyone, resolve the AIDS epidemic in Africa and insure that every human being on the planet has clean, continuous drinking water. And if the UN can do it for $75 Billion, Donald Trump can do it for $20 billion. Wouldn't that be a better use of our money?

When did the possible threat of this:

Take precedence over the definite and unending fact of this:

I'll make a deal with the hysterical environmentalists. If you agree to help us fix all of the actual problems in the world today, I will donate $500 a year to help you fix imagined problems of the future. For the rest of my life.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Taking the Day Off

My boss is an evil, hateful woman bent on making my work life miserable. I just couldn't take it today so I decided to call in sick. The phone call didn't go so well though.

Me: Hi boss. I'm not going to be able to come to the office today.

Boss: What's wrong?

Me: It's just female problems.

Boss: But you are a man! How can you have 'female problems'?

I didn't have the guts to tell her that she was my female problem, so off to work I go :(

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Live Blogging the Iranian President's Speech

7PM CDT - Shocking! In an unexpected move, Amadinejihad makes anti-American statements. Didn't see that one coming.

7:05 - Now he's switching to anti-Bush.

7:10 - Back to anti-America. His Farsi dialect is hard to follow, but I think he said, "America is evil because of blah blah blah." Or it might have been, "yadda yadda yadda".

7:18 - Now he's letting us know how many non-believers he will keep alive once he gets some unnamed type of weapon completed. (see photo inset)

7:21 - "We will only use our nuclear weapons for peaceful purposes... I mean nuclear energy. Peace is our ultimate goal."

7:30 - "American imperialism is the cause of all of the world's problems."

7:31 - "Including the common cold, earthquakes, and milk spoiling before the expiration date on the package. They are not a nation of peace, like Iran."

7:40 - "Islam is a religion of peace. When that idea is questioned, the questioner needs to be violently and agressively beheaded, or at least silenced. Thus, peace will continue." Peace... He keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means. It's inconceivable to think he does.

7:46 - Now he's putting the smackdown on the Jews. "It's not so much that I want to kill the Jews. I just don't want them to be alive... anymore."

7:49 - Derogatory comments about Jews having large noses. A fine example of the pot calling the pot, "pot".

7:53 - He seems to be winding down now. He's calling for everyone to join his cult or experience the lovingly peaceful... I think he said 'nuclear scimitar' or something. What the heck is that?

8:00 - He started sweating profusely and it was making the make-up on his forehead rub off, so he cut it short.

I have to be honest. I don't think I like the man. Or the horns.

Bush Drinks Kofi

World politics are often bizarre, but this bit of news from from the UN is almost unbelievable! It's just coming across the wire now, so details are still sketchy. Apparently, President Bush and Secretary General Kofi Annan had some kind of argument and the President pureed him on the spot and drank him! No photos yet, but this is what it probably looked like:

Now let me be clear. I am no fan of Kofi Annan. But most of the time, I'm even less of a fan of cannibalism. I'm not sure I want to live in a country where the President can just grind people up and eat them. It's frightening.

UPDATE: Uh oh. It turns out there was a typo in the original story, and in fact Bush didn't drink Kofi, he drank to Kofi. It was just a toast. Well, that's slightly better than the original story, but I'm not happy to hear about wasting toast of any kind on that man.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Too Little, Too Late

Existingthing over at "To Which I Replied" has written an informative post on the true destruction of liberty. It's a call to every American to sit down and read the Bill of Rights, or because of lack of understanding, lose those rights.

I'm totally with him on this one. I was under the impression that the Second Amendment was going to be repealed, and our right to own bear arms was soon to be a thing of the past. I just wish he'd informed me before I attempted to obey the new law.

After following his advice and re-reading the Constitution, I've learned that the Second Amendment doesn't involve bear arms at all! How exactly do I explain this to my five year old daughter? I'm going to have to blame society. Or maybe Karl Rove. No, I'll let Captain Kirk handle it.

I'll Come to the Rescue... Again...

*Sigh* I'm getting to old for this. In the 40s it was fun. I was a young buck itching for a fight. Now I just feel tired all of the time. Oh well, it can't be helped - America needs me. We are in a war with the craziest cult on Earth. Islam. The hard-core muslims want to kill everyone who is not muslim, or just not the right kind of muslim. The moderate muslims are much different, since they only want to kill Jews, at least as long as we keep mum on the fact that Islam is a religion prone to bloodletting. The muslims who believe in peace are notably silent on the issue. I've talked with all six of them, and none will offer any advice on calming Islam's murderous tendencies.

So it's come to this, at long last. To save the world again, I'll don the uniform and do my duty for America and the rest of the freedom-loving half of the world. Remember how good I looked in that outfit?

It shouldn't take long. As everyone knows, when Captain America throws his mighty shield, all those who chose to oppose his shield must yeild. It's the law.

Update: Actually, I think I'm going to exercise a little, and get the hair in my ears snipped off before I attack. I had my uniform taken out some, but it's still too tight around the waist. And these boots don't seem very orthopedic to me. Does anyone know where to get those Dr. Scholl foot pad things? Also, things look a little blurry. I'd better get my eyes checked too.

Wait, what was I doing again? Oh yes! Saving the world. Oh well, I'll get back to you on when I'll be out there fighting evil on the front lines. But rest assured, I'm coming!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Say We're Peaceful, or We'll Kill You

Followers of the "Religion of Peace" are outraged that the Pope said that Islam is a violent religion. So outraged in fact, that they are calling for "Religion of Peace" jihadis to force the Pope to "Rest in Peace". Other peaceful steps to help Christians understand Islam include burning churches and sending random Christians to their graves (peacefully).

What are they really angry about? Mostly because the Pope quoted a Byzantine emperor from the 1300s, who said, "God is not pleased by blood, and not acting reasonably is contrary to God's nature."

Well of course muslims are going to throw a hissy-fit over a 700 year old statement like this. Spilling blood and acting without reason is all the religion stands for these days, and having the Pope remind everyone of this fact must be infuriating.

He may have gone too far with his response to the muslim's criticism of his statements though. When asked if he would retract statements that suggest jihad is somehow connected with violence, he didn't even reply... verbally.

(I had to pixelate his photo-response for fear of the repurcussions. The Pope can send you straight to hell with just a phone call, so it's best not to make him angry. That's a fact. I heard it somewhere.)

Update: Well, that didn't take long. Let the murdering for peaceful Islam begin!

Update II: Via Tim Blair, Archbishops are adding their 'bird' finger to the mix! Here's the Archbishop of Australia's viewpoint:

The violent reactions in many parts of the Islamic world justified one of Pope Benedict's main fears. They showed the link for many Islamists between religion and violence, their refusal to respond to criticism with rational arguments, but only with demonstrations, threats and actual violence.

Update III: Surrenderman Jaques Chirac says we should not say things that anger Muslims. Isn't that the same as saying we shouldn't say things, period?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

ABC's 9/11 movie

Check out the movie that has liberal's panties in a bunch over at Redstate. It's just the parts that Clinton and his lawyers want removed I think. The best line is from an Afghani after Sandy Burglar wusses out on ordering the killing of bin laden: "Are there any men left in Washington? Or are they all cowards?"

If they are just making these parts up, then I'm all for editing the comments out of the story, much like I would have preferred the fibs in Fahrenheit 911 to be removed. That said, this depiction of Berger seems reasonable to me. He's almost as sleazy as slick Willie. If someone was there and said this is how it went down, I'd believe him.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Sensless Murder on the Open Seas

How could someone kill such beautiful, peaceful creatures? It takes true evil to murder on such a grand scale. Yet every day, the death count rises, and you hear almost nothing about it in the press. Apparently, the media has been bought off by these vile b*st*rds.

I recently spoke with marine biologist Max Plankton, who informed me that these killing machines can destroy over a million lives in a single gulp! Peaceful krill, wanting nothing more than to float around all day in the deep blue sea, are getting their lives snuffed out by the billions every day. Whales are the equivalent of Nazi exterminators in the ocean. Horrible creatures.

How long can we continue to ignore this genocide? The UN doesn't have a policy on genocide, so they won't help. But we can! Next time you are on a ship on the ocean, shoot a whale if you see one. Do it for the children. The krill children.

Toilet... Humor?

My Father is coming down to visit so we're busy cleaning up the house all day. I hope everyone has a great weekend! I'd like to leave you with a word of advice: When cleaning out the toilet with one of those toilet brushes, don't talk to someone while not paying attention to what you are doing. You see, when you talk, your mouth is open, and if you don't pay attention, those brushes make a lot of splashing.

The answer to the question in your mind is: Yes, I did.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The World is Falling Apart - Humans Hardest Hit

I've been trying to find something fun to post, but honestly, I can't find anything. Is nothing good happening in the world right now?

-Felipe Calderon has been declared the new President of Mexico, but his rival, Manuel Obrador, is vowing to rule as President from the streets. I'm predicting civil strife.

-Muslims in Iraq seem unwilling to live in harmony with other muslims that believe in a slightly different version of Islam. I'm predicting continued violence.

-President Musharraf has ceded northern Pakistan to Taliban supporting tribesmen. I'm predicting increased violence in eastern Afghanistan.

-The UN supported cease-fire on the Israel/Lebanon border isn't being supported by the UN at all! Where are the troops? I'm predicting war. In 24 months or so, once Iran figures out how to sneak tanks into Lebanon.

-In Iran and Syria, the only places in the world where violence is actually needed, I'm predicting appeasement and peace. And soon, nuclear deterrent!

So here's the best good news I could come up with.

Antarctica continues its unprecedented centuries long record of peace with the rest of the world.

How do they do it? Someone should ask those penguins to divulge the secret.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Effectiveness of the UN

Since Kofi Annan took the leadership of the UN, he has been a singularly effective leader.

1994 - Annan is Head of UN Security forces in Rwanda

Hey Hutus, stop committing
Genocide on those Tutsis!


1999 - Annan is Secretary General in charge of all Peacekeepers

Hey peacekeepers in the Congo,
stop raping/impregnating children!

Well, we'll get to the bottom
of this in the next decade or
two, and then you might pay for
your crimes!

March 2003, Sudan

Hey Sudan Government, stop
committing genocide in Darfur.

Ok, then we will send in
peacekeepers to stop you!

Nope. You won't.

Well, expect a referendum in
the near future then!

This week, Iran

Mr. Achmadenijihad, stop enriching

Ok, but you should stop denying
the holocaust occurred, and stop
saying Israel must be destroyed.

Would you at least consider stopping
Iran from supplying of arms to
Hezbollah? Throw me a bone...

You're not going to ask for
verification or anything, are you?
I guess we could make that statement,
as long as you promise not to check
to see if we are lying.

Another victory for the UN!

More specifically, he's been so singularly effective that his reign over the UN has only had a single effect: Kofi Annan has caused a mass-raising of middle fingers across the globe.

Unfortunately, ineffectiveness and criminal conduct are not new to the UN. Here's a rundown of some of their escapades written in 1997. Not much has changed in the decade since :( I say let's withdraw from this ignoble organization and start a new one: The United Democratic Nations (UDN). I'd even be willing to decide who is democratic enough for entry into the organization and who isn't! For a paltry UN style fee of $250k a year and full diplomatic immunity of course.

Update: Check out my post at The Steel Deal. It's about the new oil found in the Gulf of Mexico, but I worked in a photoshopped hippie! They're my favorite :)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Conan O'Brien

A new study released today shows that the more sex men have, the more sex men want. The study also shows that the less sex men have, the more sex men want.

Saturday, September 02, 2006


Mr. Ackman currently has everything going for him. He's rich, the ladies love him, and he seems to be in 15 movies a year.

I wonder if he's ever forgiven his parents for naming him 'Huge'.

Playing Terrorist

Lighten up. This Palestinian boy is only carrying a toy gun, and the mask is probably fake as well. I'm stunned that so many people would think that Palestinians are so barbaric as to give real guns to little children.

I mean, come on, this kid is only five years old! Everyone knows that you need to be at least 8 to get a real gun in Gaza. It's the law.

Friday, September 01, 2006

To Hear a Democrat Tell It...

I get the feeling that the Democrats learned a different lesson from Vietnam than the rest of America did. The lesson I learned is that when we abandon our allies, a lot of people die, and the rest are forced into an unacceptable form of slavery.

I guess the Democrats see it differently. (Graphic stolen from Steel Turman)

Need Feedback

Rather than do something useful today, I'm making changes to the layout of this blog. I'm trying to widen the yellowish area where the text of the posts go. It's too thin to put photos in with text wrapped around it right now.

If you see a problem or dislike the new layout, please comment here (I'm still trying to find where the rounded corners thing is, so no need to comment on that particular problem). It may be too wide for some screens. Let me know if it is. I've got the old template saved so I can always go back if you guys don't like it.


Update: Fixed the corners, but had to link to off-site graphics to do it. If anyone notices slower page loads, please comment about that as well. They are tiny files (~60 bytes) so I don't expect trouble. But you never know.

Update #2: Does anyone want a free NEC-1300A DVD +/-R burner (runs at 4x and seems unable to burn 16x DVDs)? If so, drop me an email (blogagog over at with your address. I've only got one to give away, so first come, first served. I purchased some 16x blank DVDs that it couldn't understand, and it was cheaper to just buy a new burner than to return the DVDs. Still, I hate to waste it since it still works perfectly well with 8x or 4x DVDs. I think it has a DVD in it, but am too lazy to try to remove it. So it may come with a free DVD!!!

How Do Erroneous Stories Stay Alive?

When President Bush first visited Iraq on Thanksgiving, 2003, someone made up a story that the President was carrying a fake turkey, even though it was in fact a run of the mill, real turkey. Strangely, the story has persisted to this day, and is still being cited as fact in newspapers across the world.

Tim Blair has a list of 60+ times that the story has been repeated in print or on television, along with all 4 of the corrections he found. Some are as recent as a few days ago! Why doesn't this story go away after the light of truth has been shone upon it? Is it just because the press wants so badly to make Bush look bad/stupid/evil/sleazy they are willing to make up stories about him? That's possible. Maybe it's just human nature for journalists to try to find fault in politicians. They are certainly trying hard with Bush.

I guess we should just be happy that the press only made up a story of Bush carrying around a plastic turkey, rather than faking a story about Bush raping children or having sex with goats, as these UN peacekeepers actually did in East Timor. Now that would be a hard fake story to kill. Don't worry though. Since this vile behavior was carried out by the UN and not Bush or an American, there won't be any press coverage.

Listen to our anthem

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