Toast, It's not just for breakfast anymore: August 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Iran Stands Firm

Iran announced today that it would ignore the world and continue enriching uranium. You've got to admit that Iran is very brave to go up against this powerful world leader. It is extremely dangerous to ignore his wishes.

Kofi Annan, clearly rattled by Iran's belligerence, announced in his outside voice, "Iran has left us no alternative but to consider possibly discussing the adoption of a new resolution asking Iran to discontinue refining uranium. If they ignore that resolution, I give you my word that sometime in the future we may be forced to debate on whether we should issue a resolution of condemnation."

When asked about possible sanctions, Annan replied, "Believe me, my kid really needs the kickbacks from the scams that arise from sanctions, but it's still too early. Of course when if Iran nukes Israel - that would be a good time to consider sanctions. I said consider, not impose."

The Feminization of Public School

Is the public school system crushing the spirit of boys? Gerry Garibaldi, a public school teacher for more than two decades says yes. Responding to feminists complaints that girls were "losing thie voice" in a male dominated classroom, they went too far and no longer allow boys to be boys.
As a result, boys have become increasingly disengaged. Only 65 percent earned high school diplomas in the class of 2003, compared with 72 percent of girls, education researcher Jay Greene recently documented. Girls now so outnumber boys on most university campuses across the country that some schools, like Kenyon College, have even begun to practice affirmative action for boys in admissions. And as in high school, girls are getting better grades and graduating at a higher rate.
Boys are dropping out or being diagnosed with learning disabilities at a much greater rate than at any other time in recent history. Ask Gary and he'll tell you why. "Their problem: they don’t want to be girls."

I have sympathy for the boys in today's schools. Of course boys don't want to be feminized when they are young. If memory serves, girls of grade school age all have cooties. Who wants to have those?

(I attempted a cross-post over at The Steel Deal. I don't think I have the hang of Typepad yet.)

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Playing Catch Up

Here's something I learned this week. If you drop everything and leave town for a few days, everything stays right where you dropped it until you come back. And even though you are gone, new things start piling up on top of them.

So it's going to be a few more days until things are back to normal, and posting resumes. First things first, a dog got into our garbage can (which I forgot to put on the curb), so I've got to clean it up :(


Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I've got nothing to do for a few hours, so I sent an email to Reuters.

Could you please mention when your photos are captured by a stringer? The lack of this description causes me to question all of your photos, simply because many of your stringers are dishonest. That's just not fair to you. You have great photographers, but their work is lessened by the misrepresentation of your stringers.

Please mention whether it is a stringer or an employee who takes the picture so there is no need to treat every Reuters photo with distrust.

Thanks in advance,


My guess is that they'll blow me off. We'll see.

UPDATE: Yup, they blew me off :(

Thank you for contacting Reuters with your comments and feedback. Your comments have been passed on to our editorial team at If you have further comments or suggestions on any Reuters articles, send them to his e-mail address. Please note that due to the huge volume of e-mails sent to the Editor daily, we may be unable to provide a response. However, all comments are read and taken into consideration, some of which can be viewed on our homepage .
Hardly unexpected. Oh well, see you in a few days.

Very Cool

I've been asked to guest post on Steel Turman's "The Steel Deal" blog when I get back from our trip. Steel finds some of the most amazingly humorous news in the world. Check him out when you have the chance.

It's a great honor, but I want to be clear about this: I do not want my readers to treat me any differently at all. There is no need at all to call me 'sir', or 'your honor'. That would be silly. A simple 'Mr. Blogagog' will suffice ('Mr. Kevin' works equally well).

In Defense of Gender Modifying Operations

Yes, I suffer from this problem. I am, genetically speaking, a man. But deep down in my soul I've known for a long time that something is not quite right. It's an uncomfortable feeling, like your skin doesn't fit well or something. It has caused me problems all through my life, many of them too painful to discuss.

No, I don't feel like a woman, but it's the same idea. I feel like I'm Superman trapped inside a regular man's body. Sure, I wear the costume most nights, but lately it hasn't been enough.

Sadly, I can find no doctor to perform the necessary operation. If anyone knows of a doctor that is willing to perform a man-->Superman operation, please email me. Maybe then I'll be at peace. Until then, I will wait sadly as all of my problems grow daily, simply because I'm not Superman. It reminds me of that old Beatles song, "Troubles":

All my troubles
Seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though
They're here to stay.
Oh I believe
In yesterday.

UPDATE: I've received a lot of emails, and all of them had the same deal-breaker. Being bulletproof is great, but if the doctor can't make me fly, then what's the point?

I'll be out of town until Friday or Saturday, so blogging will be very light (right around zero posts). Enjoy the week, and please don't rob my house. TY in advance.

Monday, August 21, 2006

My Father is Funny

My Dad's friend got hurt recently. The doctor put him on some medication to speed up his healing. During the 6 months he was on the medication, the man gained 180 lbs. I talked to my father about it.

Me: Wow, what made him gain so much weight?

Dad: He says the medication did it.

Me: What kind of medication did they put him on?

Dad: I'm not sure, but whatever it was, it must have been fried.

Guy's just aren't as sensitive as the ladies are, huh :)

Too funny

Ace of Spades found the website of Jaqueline Passy where she talks about how great a catch she is.

She's very plain looking, but most people are (myself included). What's so funny is how she avoids realizing how plain she is :)

Read it. It's worth the time. It is truly hilarious. Well, it's either hilarious if she's joking, or very sad if she's serious. She looks like the funny type to me. Or at least smart enough to know not to talk about how great you are on the net. If someone who looked good posted this, (like that girl from 'Friends'), I'd think it was horribly arrogant. But coming from a regular person, it's just funny :)

Her advice? Don't to aspire to find someone as beautiful as her, and to try to pick up chubby women with kids instead! Seriously, read it :)

Update: I found 4 typos/missing words in this post. Who the heck is breaking into my site and creating these typos? I'm on to you!

How 'Bout That Cease Fire?

Among other things stated in the 1,728 word document, Resolution 1701, there must be "full implementation of the relevant provisions of the Taif Accords, and of resolutions 1559 (2004) and 1680 (2006), that require the disarmament of all armed groups[Hezbollah] in Lebanon, so that, pursuant to the Lebanese cabinet decision of 27 July 2006, there will be no weapons or authority in Lebanon other than that of the Lebanese State."

I've heard that a picture is worth a thousand words, but Cox and Forkum today proved that a picture is worth more than 1,728 of them.

How exactly is the UN planning to disarm Hezbollah? Yup, they're not. Does anyone still wonder why Americans don't trust he UN or it's flaw-filled leader? It's become a giant caricature of France. Appease and run.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Glue Bad

I took a nice relaxing photgraph of the Empire State and Chrysler Buildings today, to counteract my disgust at Jim Carter's latest fiasco. Unfortunately, I can't get the photo to stick. really needs to use a better glue on their blogsites. It's quite annoying. Oh well, I'll just draw on the screen. Can you guess who I am trying to draw?

It's trackback weekend time at Angel's house. Don't forget to send her a trackback! She's having a tough week since her pet of over a decade passed away.

I Killed JonBenet

I heard that the wife of the purported killer of JonBenet said that he was with her during the time the child was murdered. It sounds like he might be one those people who confesses to crimes he didn't do. It reminded me of that movie, Spartacus:

I killed JonBenet!

  I killed JonBenet!

I killed JonBenet!

So I went to look for pictures of the Spartacus movie. I went with Yahoo images, because I've been overusing Google of late.

Typing "Sparticus" In the search box yeilds:

Isn't that weird? Is Yahoo trying to tell me something? I wonder if I typed in "president", would it say "also try 'gay president'".

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Man Who Sold the World (or Carter via Bowie)

You are currently face-to-face with the man who sold out the world. In 1977, he began the yardsale. Our economy already in trouble, he put it into death throws. By the time Americans kicked him out on his butt 4 years later, he had worked inflation up to 14%, and house loans were an astounding 21% or more! Yes, he singlehandedly destroyed the economy of America. But he didn't stop there.

He didn't allow the first Islamic state to appear on the landscape. He caused it. Much of the current problems the world has with islamofascism can be attributed directly to Jimmy Carter. And when the islamofascists kidnapped American people, what did Jimbo do? His first idea was 'appease'. Amazingly, that didn't work (imagine that!). Still, he kept trying, that being his only method for dealing with thugs.

Finally after a year of this humiliation, he was forced to move to a military option. But he took care to make sure the operation was small enough that it would fail, resulting in further humiliation to our great nation.

Thank God for Reagan. He undid most of the damage Jimmy Carter caused in only 3 years. He gave Americans a reason to be proud again. Not even 1 day in office and the islamofascists gave up their prisoners. They knew Reagan wouldn't take that **** for even a day. And they were right, he wouldn't have. Everyone who is religious please say a prayer for Ronald Reagan. He saved America, and not many days go by that I don't thank him for it.

But Carter isn't done yet. He's still trying to hurt America to this day. As we know, Carter is the man Clinton sent to N. Korea to resolve the nuclear issue. We all know how peacy happy joy well how that turned out. It was perfect! Except of course they have the bomb now. Way to go Carter. Even today, after his cataclysmic destruction of the national economy, he's offering Bush economic advise!!!! Yes, you heard me right. It's all here in his Der Spiegel interview. Still selling out America, almost 30 years after he was booted out of office.

Maybe I'm being too hard on Carter. You say "he's old, so should be given some slack. He did some good things building houses and such." Screw that. He's either evil or stupid. It doesn't matter a whit which one. Neither deserve a place in the American political landscape. The small good he did building houses for poor people does almost nothing to detract from the damage he did to our great nation. He is, without doubt, the worst President America has ever had. Not content with that distinction, he's decided to become the worst ex-president America has ever had.

Update: Sister Toldjah is not a fan of President Carter either.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I Bet it's the Cat

Ace of Spades on Islamic extremism and statistical profiling:

I'm Still Sick of Politics

The capitulation of the Israeli government to poorly thought through world opinion has left me politically numb. The one country that could possibly follow through with the eradication of a terrorist organization - a country whose population, unlike America's, fully supports the idea of eradicating terrorist organizations - instead gives up. It's becoming clear to me that we may not even win this war on islamofascism, or if we do, it will be at the cost of A LOT more lives, both western and barbarian. Tons of relatively innocent muslims will die as well, since they will not reign in the 10% or so of barbarians who kill in their god's name.

Que sera, sera. Did you guys catch me on Letterman last night? I did 5 minutes of stand up, but the blogawife only recorded the end of my routine! I'm sure you can guess what it was about, but just in case, here's 15 seconds of it:

Have a nice day! To help enjoy it, check out stickNstein's post on toast. stickNstein speaks truth to toast!

UPDATE: Jeff Goldstein offers a view of the Israeli/Hezbollah conflict that is less depressing than mine or Defiant Infidel's (he's even more pessimistic than me!). I sure hope Jeff's scenario turns out to be the correct one.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Child Rearing

John and Beth Camford, our neighbors, have recently brought a girl into the world. I knew they were having a rough time with her, since she cries so much. But come on, this is going a little too far, don't you think?

(The whole block got together and convinced them to give her one more try.)

Deficit Still Too Large

The Federal Budget Deficit has come down quite a bit this year, but it's still too large. It now appears that no matter who we elect, the spending is going to rise. It's frustrating, but until we can get the politicians under control, we need some more income.

Conservatives argue that lowering the tax rate increases federal tax income. This is true since it spurs the economy, but at some point it stops working. Imagine if they lowered the tax rate all the way to 0%. Obviously this would result in $0 tax income, so the tax rate that results in the highest tax income must lie somewhere between 0% and where it is now. Without looking into the data, I'm going to assume that we are close to the optimal tax rate, and tinkering with it won't change government income much.

Liberals argue that government spending spurs the economy better than the original owner of the money (at least that's what I think they argue. I really don't get their strategy). This might be true as well, but it leads to standardized jobs without competition. This has the unintended consequence of giving no incentive to be economical, or even do a good job (i.e. the Big Dig). It also tends to create lazy people who feel entitled to a government paycheck while barely working or actually doing nothing at all to earn it. I find this option unacceptable.

I'm not going to write a post on how to resolve the chronic budget problems of America, but I can offer a temporary solution. Until the deficit situation is solved, I've come up with a way for the government to make a little cash on the side. It involves all of the national monuments in America. Sadly, I bet someone will come out against it :(

Sunday, August 13, 2006

News from AD 2312

This just in from Galaxy News Wire:

The European Jedi Coalition sent two jedi knights to the Turtle Bay Syndicate headquarters today to "destroy our evil UN overloards once and for all." They are claiming that the Jedi Coalition is breaking no international laws since cyborgs are not human.

Details at 11.

(306 years overdue if you ask me.)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Old Show Remains Well Written

Penn & Teller did one of their BS shows on environmentalism and global warminizing last year. There's quite a bit of cursing in the show, but it's kind of funny and very much in line with my view of the environmentalism hysteria. Check it out if you have a half hour to kill sitting in front of your computer.

Friday, August 11, 2006

A New Flag for France!

The debate is finally over. France has long been dissatisfied with it's red white and blue flag, because it is too similar to the American and British flags. Jaques Chirac today unveiled the new flag: A thousand white stars representing the resilience of the French people, on a white background. All of France cheered. It's a fetching flag, at least until it gets dirty.

Angel is having a trackback party!

Email Humor

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern furiously
pounding shots of whiskey. His friend happens to come into
the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've
known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take
a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass,
the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot
eyes, smiles and then slurs, "Not anymore... He is!"

Ungoogleable Musical Trivia

HELP! I'm being followed! Can you name what is following me? Regardless, it's no big deal. If it catches me and I lose my legs, I won't moan, I also won't beg. What if it destroys my hands? In that case I won't have to work no more. OMG, what if it eats my eyes!!! No problem. I won't have to cry no more. If it's claws slice off my mouth, well at least I won't have to talk... Because I'm being followed by a M*******w. M*******w, m*******w.

Hippie hint: This song was written by a hippie who then became a muslim. Another hint: His last name has been changed to 'Islam'. No more hints are forthcoming.

(I think I made this too cryptic. Nevertheless, set the bar high, people! I'll lower it in the future if I overdid it and no one gets it.)

Kind of Dirty, Kind of Funny

When I was just a kid in the '20s, Eskimo Pies were all the rage. Then they came out with an even better product. It was similar to a fudgesicle, but the flavor was like cinammon toast with butter on it. It was the best iced cream product on the market as far as I was concerned.

Then suddenly it was taken off the shelves, a move forced by thousands of angry mothers around the country. I can't remember what the fuss was all about, but I do remember being very sad. I miss my toastsicles. I remember I always had a pair of them handy, and often more. Unfortunately, my wife doesn't allow them in the house. *sigh*

Thursday, August 10, 2006


Do you remember about a year ago, there was a school in California that forced students to act muslim for a week to better understand the muslim people? It stunned me because I was under the impression that religious discussion was banned in public school. Is it just the Christian religion that is banned? What gives?

I'm not what people would call 'religious' by any means, but I had the feeling that someone's wrath was being meted out as I drove by that school this morning. Someone big. Are these wildfires in California really wild?

Solved! (in part)

While I wait for a replacement for this piece of ****:

I decided to take matters into my own hands. The NVidia 6600 GT is an exceptional graphics card for the price. But a tiny bit of dust in any NVidia fan results in a meltdown. Looking similar to PigPen from Charlie Brown cartoons, this is a big problem for me. I found a temporary solution for people in my situation. I yanked the fan off of the GPU and leaned a case fan on the card.

Success! The core GPU temp is lower than it has ever been (39C vs. 45C)! Unfortunately, it's impossible to burn/read DVDs in this configuration since my computer is laying on it's side, but as a temporary workaround, it's perfect. Let the Photoshopped uprising begin in earnest now!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

To the Sea, and Victory!

Riding on a wave of victory, Ned Lamont today summoned his Democratic Party minions to the shores of Connecticut. Everyone even remotely connected to the Democratic party was there. He made a long speech. What an amazing speech it was!

A new age of appeasement is dawning. Too long has America single-handedly caused all of the woes of the world. But no more. I have studied the tactics of the French, and we shall follow in their footsteps to glory!


Terrorists are not bad people. We are the bad people for not taking the time to understand their needs. My research shows that all they want is Israel and the lower half of Spain. Is that too much to ask for peace? I say no, and am willing to throw in Kashmir and Southern Michigan to seal the deal.


Some say we don't have a platform. Nonsense. The Democratic Party has a firm platform, as we have had for 5 years. If it helps America, or if Bush wants it, we are against it. How much simpler of a platform could you ask for?

I cut out most of it for brevity, because a lot of the speech was just repeating the above quotes in random order. During the entire speech, there was this eery music playing in the background that was mesmerizing. After a while, he had the crowd completely enchanted, so he finally he ended his speech.

Lamont: Now my friends, it is time. To the sea!

Crowd: (confused) You mean we are going to the sea... to make salt? Like Gandhi did during quest for Indian independence?

Lamont: "Uh, yeah, that's what we're doing. Follow me while I play this carefree tune!"

I watched as he led the Democratic party away in single file, both the celebrity Democrats and the nameless masses. All the while he played his song. As I left I wondered: Where will Ned lead the once great Democratic party? To future glory, no doubt.

(Thanks to the Defiant Infidel for the great photo idea. Please click the picture, it took me an hour to make it!)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Bad fan

The fan died on my graphics card. I'm stuck on a p3-700 until the new fan arrives so I can't really post anything :(

I'll leave you with the strangest Janet Jackson magazine cover I've ever seen:

See you soon!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Hezbaloney via Al-Reuters

Adnan Hajj, formerly of Reuters (story) has published his last photo showing the atrocities of the IDF, implying that Hezbollah are the good guys.

You can't argue with a photo! You can clearly see in this non-Photoshopped picture that an Israeli soldier is rounding up all of the Lebanese babies who survived the bombing of a baby hospital to make it easier to kill (and possibly eat?) them. I'm just not comfortable siding with people who eat babies. Neither is the BBC. I honestly can't think of a reason that Israel would bomb the baby hospital in Youngsterville, Lebanon, a place known for making a lot of babies and not having any Hezbollah militants in it.

Logically, Israel seems like the good guys, since they are simply responding to an attack on their country. But look at that picture again. The fava beans in the corner are a dead giveaway. Baby eaters! Adnan Hajj's photos are telling us the real story!

-This story, like most on this blog may be 'ahead of the news cycle'.

Sunday, August 06, 2006


In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward Hezbollah The General said, "I believe that forgiving Hezbollah is God's function. The Israeli's job is to arrange the meeting."

Testing animation

Seeing if I can upload my first ever flash video. It's a brilliant piece describing the natural evolution of inner desire, but it's also allegorical to the great struggles in life. There's a lot of angst in it, as you can see right from the beginning. The hard, sharp edges of life are slowly dulled allowing us to roll into the true reason for being. It's a video that Dostoyevsky would have made, had he made any videos. Yes, it's that good.

Well, I don't want to give away the ending... Have a look!

I hope this video had some impact on your life. It took me more than 3 minutes to create, and I'd hate to think I wasted that time.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Another Stolen Cartoon

Stolen from Sandmonkey.

There was another accurate one submitted by one of his commenters. It's slightly easier to read if you click the picture.

Cox & Forkum have an opinion too!

Cause Diem

I've been visiting websites by PETA, Code Pink, the ACLU and others. I think they are on to something. Having a cause = money. It doesn't really matter how crazy the cause is, as long as you are passionate about it. I just filled up my gas tank, so I’m in dire need of some money.

So here's my cause. Mouthwash. I'm against it. Did you know that mouthwash contains ethanol that could be used to power our cars, create electricity, and end our dependence upon foreign oil? The green food coloring in the mint flavored variety could be used to color dying trees to return them to their former glory. Instead, it’s made into a product that goes in your mouth only to be spit out a few seconds later. I feel that I must speak out against such a disgusting waste of our resources. It also contains a lot of water. Aren’t we running out of that stuff? I think Greenpeace says we are. Or it may be Amnesty International. I’m getting my causes confused.

Please support this cause. Together, we can end mouthwash in our lifetime. Please send cash donations to help us put an end to this heinous waste of our resources. Put your cash in the mailbox with a note saying, “Send to Blogagog.” It will get here. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

Update: I've decided to go on a tofu only* fast until my demand for complete removal of moutwash from store shelves is met. Maybe someone will take notice as my body quickly becomes emaciated.

* A "tofu only" fast is one where you only don't eat tofu. Everything else is ok.

John Stewart on Lebanon

Pretty funny :)


I am pro-environment, but I'm not into hysterical environmentalism. That's why I feel uncomfortable posting this. We live next door to a nuclear power plant. No dangerous accident has ever occurred there, and most of the kids born around here have 10 fingers and toes.

Even so, something about this plant makes me nervous. It must be from some deep-seated anxiety I have. It's actually quite a good looking facility.

Can You Name the Songs?

As some of you know, I've been away for a few days. I was traveling in a fried-out combie, on a hippie trail with my head full of zombie. On my travels, I met a strange lady... she made me kind of nervous. Fortunately, she took me in and gave me breakfast. And she said:

Woman: Do you come from a land down under?
Me: No.
Woman: Where women glow and men plunder?
Me: Hello? I already said no.
Woman: Cant you hear, cant you hear the thunder?
Me: Not really...
Woman: You better run, you better take cover.
Me: Whatever lady, but I think you may be, clinically speaking, nuts.

My travails also took me to Belgium. Hungry, I bought some bread from a man in Brussels. He was at least six foot four and full of muscles. I said, "Do you speak-a my language? " He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich. I said, "What the... what is this, Soylent Green or something? This stuff is nasty! What a waste of toast."

He then launched into the same "Are you Australian?" diatribe as the woman did earlier. It made no sense.

My last stop found me lying in a den in bombay, slack jawed, with not much to say. I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me? Just for the sole reason that I come from a land of plenty?" He repeated the same 'down under' stuff of my previous conversations. What's up with that? I love Australia and Australians. Why's everyone picking on them?


In other news, I'm depressed. I found this fantastic recipe on the net for a cake with three different types of fruit and even a vegetable in it. Being primarily a meat eater, it sounded kind of nasty, but it was fantastic! It was a wonderful and slightly sweetened way of enjoying getting the minimum daily requirements of fruits and vegetables.

I noticed that a thunderstorm came from out of nowhere and was swamping our house. Here's the depressing part. Lo and behold, some jerk left my cake outside. In the rain! I'm so sad because it took so long to bake it. Also, I'm unsure if I can take it, because I googled the recipe, and can't find it anymore. Perhaps I'll never have that recipe again :(. So sad.

Can you name the songs that chronicled my travels?

Friday, August 04, 2006

Racist B@st@rd*

I'm finally back at home, unpacked and relaxed. Checking out the blogosphere, I noticed that a progressive crazy named Jane Hamsher posted a photo of Joe Lieberman wearing 'blackface'. I don't fully understand the controversy (at least beyond the fact that the new Democrats are very racist), but I noticed that this woman's traffic went up by a factor of 10! She finally retracted the photo, and blamed conservatives for not understanding her reasons for being racist.

I desperately need traffic for all my blogads (soon to appear, along with 5 or 6 pop-up windows as well as a few video ads) to make money. Therefore, I am purple-facing Donald Rumsfeld and will show no remorse.

That's right. Purple people are stupid. I hate them. I wish they would all go back to purpleville where they belong. Stupid purplies. Purple is not the solution, it is the problem!

I will retract my anti-purple statements once I reach 10k hits a day. Until then... I'll be anti-purple.

Listen to our anthem

This blog is on the 'no tag' list.